Selfish Twat of the Month

Goes to Laura Williams, 18 who a couple of days ago in what probably cost a small fucking fortune in specialist medical costs gave birth to twins. Twins that are fused together laterally for about 60% of their torso length and which although having seperate hearts probably share a shitload of other organs and the necessary plumbing compatible with life.

Apparently Laura went against all medical advice to abort the freakshow exhibit she's just had yanked out of her by c-section and according to some neighbour:

"Laura was in bits to start off with but she's a good mum. She's got an older daughter.

Hang on she's fucking eighteen and she already has a kid. In vain I searched for any mention of a father in the newsreports so I am assuming he is (a) different from that of her first kid and (b) has well and truly fucked off and is probably shagging somone else on the Nelson Mandela estate.

OK so I'm pissed that my tax money is being spunked up to keep this cunt who can't keep her legs crossed in dole money and child allowance and even more pissed at the fucknuggets in government who continue to reward people for breeding and which, in any world ruled by rationalism rather than sentiment would have gone "sorry love, you want to keep that freakshow alive then you're coughing up the medical bills, not the state, here's a bottle of dettol and a coathanger, do the right thing there's a pet". How many grannies are going to wait in agony for a hip replacement or kids go without dialysis because precious funds have been devoted to hacking this should-have-been abortion into tow bits.

But what really gets the breath weapon turned up to thermonuclear is how fucking selfish do you have to be, against all medical advice, these poor fucking kids into the world, all they have to look forward to is a short life of pain, misery and another kid bawling in their ear. What sort of diseased freakery, aside from the fact that "well the social will pay for everyhing, innit" is going on inside this selfish twat's head to want to make her inflict such suffering?

Laura Williams, 18, from Shrewsbury, Shropshire, gave birth to the girls, named Faith and Hope, at University College Hospital, London.

Ah, the sky pixie and that chap that got nailed to some wood. Only thing that would account for it.

Incinerate the lot.

A friendly warning

This is a friendly warning to anyone in the media who may be reading this blog.

The first one of you who uses the phrase "Strictlygate", "Seargentgate" or any other portmanteu expression ending in "Gate" in connection with the utter and complete non-story of some political hack leaving a dancing "competition" will be breathed on.

No Exeptions.

I trust I have made myself clear.

No they haven't

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Your tax dollars at work

Apparently at the same time as John Sargeant is utterly taking the piss out of a dance competition the only people who take seriously are the four pompous arseholes on the judging panel* there is some sort of glorified karaoke and talent show over on ITV.

Turns out that there was a "shock eviction" last week and somebody who might have won it got kicked out of the show. OK so just another night of lowest commen denominator celebretoid dogshit for brain-dead proles to watch on their 46" plasma cunt-tubes before the bailiffs reposess them (and I get to pick one up piss-cheap at an auction)

So why the fuck do I read this...

Even the Culture Secretary, Andy Burnham, had something to say about the show in Parliament. He said White, who lives in his constituency of Leigh in Greater Manchester, was "wonderful and talented" and the decision to axe her was "very harsh".

Excuse me, excuse fucking me!! The fucking culture secretary, his second home, expensed travel and kickbacks to his family for "secretarial duties), paid for out of my fucking taxes, thinks it is important enough to vomit up his opinion on some cuntsnotting "talent" show aimed at epsilon minus sub morons? So what now - is a ZaNuLabour comittee going to have to scritinise every eviction from one of these shows now? You know what even the most brain dead of chavs is going to sodding notice when the next season of "Strictly Come Maria X-Brother Can Do" starts and Bruce/Davina/That Camp One comes on and says "You know what, all twelve of you have won, after all that's only fair".

I dispair, I truly do.




* I only watch it waiting for "Merlin" to come on - I have the serious hots for John Hurt's Great Dragon - would not be chucking him out of bed**.

** The dragon, not Mr Hurt, obviously.

Entertaining Mrs Sunshine

Just when you thought ZaNuLabour fuckwittery could not get any more stunningly fuckwitted they pull stunts like this.

Cat and dog owners are to be told to provide "entertainment" and "mental stimulation" for their pets under new government advice.

Jesus fucking Christ on a pogo-stick! I swear not even in some kafkaesque fever and LSD dream could I come up with something this freaking dreadful. These people truly are world class twunts.

Of course these are just "advice" and "guidelines"...

Owners will not be fined for breaking the rules

and

DEFRA said it wanted to remind pet owners of their responsibilities under the 2006 Animal Welfare Act.

...but you don't have to dig very far into this report to see the state's goon-squad kicking in your door at 4 in the morning because you failed to take Fido for walkies one evening last week...

failure to comply may be used in animal cruelty prosecutions.

and

"It is your responsibility to read the complete Code of Practice to fully understand your cat's welfare needs and what the law requires you to do."

Ihr Katze ist nicht in Ordnung. Kommen Sie bitte mit uns.

So I guess we can look forward to some council Stazi wannabe snooping round our houses checking that our cats are not bored in the very near future, all paid out of my taxes, natch.

Wonder if they will want to check my ponies too?

There are similar guidelines for horse owners under the proposals, which are subject to an eight week consultation period.

Yep, thought there might be. How do you entertain a horse exactly, show it carrot porn?

But what are these orders and dictats guidelines and reccomendations from ZaNuLabours ministry of fucking over the middle classes? Well it turns out that you should feed your cats properly, ensure they have somewhere to have s shit and maybe consider letting it wander around over your shelves kocking over your picture frames. You know all the things that normal, responsible people who have animals in their homes do already without being ordered to do so by Central State Command.

Now what about the pond scum on the Nelson Mandela estate, what do you reckon to their chances of reading 28 pages of Pussycats For Dummies is? Yes probably about the same as their chances of cleaning up after Tyson their pitbull takes a dump. Do you think that our lords and masters will be going after them - course not, but you can bet that a nice soft easy prosecution of some frail old dear who can't really walk the pooch so well any more will be following on swift wings following the "consultation period".

And what about the *real* cruelty that happens. The pikeys who drown their horses, the muslim halal slaughter of conscious animals, the racehorse industry that cripples hundreds if not thousands of horses each year by riding them hard when they are too young for all their bones and joints to have fully formed. Any chance of tackling those instead of going for a nice soft option of putting the jackboot into the ordinary Joe? Let me see: ethinic minority (violent), religious ethnic minority (insanely violent), organisation with lots of money and bought-off politicians. Thought not.

Incidentally if you go over to the Defra website good luck on finding the document. There's no link so you have to search for it. I'm currently pulling down the horse welfare one as I fancy a bit of "consultation" with Hilary Benn, the current minister of state for picking up dogshit. I'll try not to use too many swear words.

Quick, dig a hole

Because sometime over the next four years we will be hit by an asteroid.

No seriously, you look at all those movies where we get hit/are about to be hit by an asteroid and there is always a black guy as president of the USA.

We're doomed, doomed I tell you. And he's not even as good looking as Morgan Freeman!

But seriously thank fuck that's the Bush era over (although I guess we should not discount his halfwit brother Jebadiah - seriously, that's his name although he shortens it to "Jeb" because he loses concentration and wanders off if he tries to sign the whole thing) and thank even bigger fuck that the cerifiable whackjob that is Sarah Palin is back off to Alaska where all she can do is upset some moose.

Now how about letting me enter your country without fingerprinting me like a common criminal?

O Tempora! O Mores!

As you may already know being a dragon I am moderately well versed in Latin; the rules for being a dragon say you have to be I think. Back in the day a knowledge of your second and third declensions was regarded as a mark of an educated gentleman. If you didn’t know your locative from your dative you were regarded as a bit of a thickie.

Now of course in ZaNu Labor’s brave New England that will never do so certain councils have instructed their staff under no circumstances to use Latin phrases in speech or writing because

using Latin is elitist and discriminatory, because some people might not understand it - particularly if English is not their first language.

Well boo fucking hoo! Look you morons Latin was used for years as a lingua franca (see, see what I did there) to enable people who spoke different languages to communicate, it greased the wheels of politics and learning for centuries. The whole point of using it was that you didn’t need to know the other guy’s first language.

But what are they talking about, are council officials writing huge tracts of Plutarch and Pliny to Mrs Scroggins of 27 Mugabe Avenue and expecting her to understand it…

Several local authorities have ruled that phrases like "vice versa", "pro rata", and even "via" should not be used.

Fuck me, if you don’t know what these mean then you really are too fucking thick to live. I bet even most of the pond scum of this septic isle know what these mean even though they don’t know where they come from. Are we going to have to remove the “v.” between names of people in boxing tournaments or football teams in next Saturday’s fixtures now as well?

Course we are, it’s elitist and discriminatory. So in the spirit of anti-elitism shall we get rid of words from other foreign languages that people won’t understand. How about all those Arabic words: algebra, azimuth, zenith, nadir. That’ll do for starters.

What was that Mr Inclusive Councellor, we don’t want to upset the mussies? Thought so.

Final word on the subject has to go to the morons at the Plain English Campaign:

A Campaign spokesman said the ban might stop people confusing the Latin abbreviation e.g. with the word "egg".

Can I suggest that anyone who does mistake “e.g.” for “egg” have several ostrich eggs rammed forcibly up their rectums? Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem!