Keep on ranting cardinal

Over the weekend it seems that someone has poked one of those funny little men who wear a dress and a silly hat who believe in an invisible sky pixie. This one is called Cardinal Keith O'Brien who has got his thurible in a twist over of course the one thing above everything else that seems to get the religidiots riled and that's bottysex.

Apparently letting people get married who happen to have the same configuration of junk between their legs is a "grotesque subversion of a universally accepted human right". OK well let's just set aside the fact you are a high-up in an organization that seems to exists solely to facilitate its staff members' sexual abuse of minors and pick the bones out of that sentence you regurgitated.

Universal
Human
Right

Yep, a universal right for all humans. If you like someone and they like you and the pair of you want to commit to each other you can do this thing where you stand up and say a few words and get a bit of paper with your names on it. We call it "Marriage". Nowhere does this "universal human right' mention anything about your reproductive plumbing. 

Honestly of the guy had any sense at all he's just shut the fuck up as all he's done is make himself look a complete foaming-at-the-mouth religious extremist in a Taliban stylee,  and if anyone was wavering on the "gay Marriage good thing / bad thing" fence they certainly won't want to be associated with you.

So keep on ranting cardinal because you're doing the cause of marriage equality a metric fuckton of favours. Plus, when you get found out shagging rent-boys, it makes it way more amusing for the rest of us if we can tag 'hypocrisy' onto your list of personal failings.

More on Ratzinger the Rat.

A couple more worthy reads on the subject of Herr Rat's pending visit...

This guy is getting added to the blogroll:
http://petursey.wordpress.com/2010/02/02/inequality-2-ratzi-the-nazi-sticks-his-bigoted-oar-in/

The Mash in fine form: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-%26-technology/allow-me-to-explain-natural-law,-says-celibate-voodoo-witch%11doctor-201002022430/

And don't forget to sign the "You pay for it you bigoted nazi" petition here http://www.secularism.org.uk/petition-the-pm.html

You're not welcome

Oi you.

Yes, you. The Hitlerjugend member in the dress.



Fuck off, you're not welcome.

You are the leader of a foreign state (a little pissant one in the middle of Italy guarded by people in stripey baggy pants carrying tactical nuclear halberds but a sovereign foreign power nonetheless). So we invite you to come by for a state visit. And then you have the fucking brass neck to tell your Sturmabteilung

The Pope has urged Catholic bishops in England and Wales to fight the UK's Equality Bill with "missionary zeal".

"...the effect of some of the legislation designed to achieve this goal has been to impose unjust limitations on the freedom of religious communities to act in accordance with their beliefs."

"In some respects it actually violates the natural law upon which the equality of all human beings is grounded and by which it is guaranteed."

Well boo fucking hoo. So just because you believe in some sky pixie you get to discriminate and persecute and you should be exempt from the law of the land? Well how about if I believe that to achieve communion with The Invisible Pink Unicorn (PBUH) it is necessary for me to get rogered senseless by a shire horse stallion outside Ely cathedral on market day would it be fine for me to have an exception from the law too?

This line from one of his generals was a hoot

(Robert Mickens, Rome correspondent at the Catholic newspaper The Tablet) said "It's not that the Pope is wading so much into the particulars of British society or British law - I think this is very much a piece of his longstanding teaching."

Oh so that makes it OK then? Given these religious types get to sit in the house of lords and there are a number of Catholic MPs who are obliged to give Obergruppenfuhrer Ratzinger their loyalty I would have thought that rather than "longstanding teaching" he was giving them a direct order (vitch vill be obeyed at all times vizout question!)

The National Secular Society said it would mount a protest campaign made up of gay groups, victims of clerical abuse, feminists, family planning organisations and pro-abortion groups among others.

And there will be a small green dragon along as well.

I still want my centaur

Oh what joy. I figured the sky pixie's fanclub would not take the creation of animal human hybrids (blogged about here)lying down and indeed they did not, throwing their wafers and incense burners out of the pram over the weekend they celebrate the nailing of their deity to a plank. And true to form Bottler Brown caves in to the religious lobby because half his fucking cabinet is made up of left footers and would make for a few embarrassing headlines when the house divided and they went through the wrong door.

I am a torn dragon as I do not know which set of bastards to set fire to first. First the wankers in the pulpits spouting bollocks about shit they could not, blinded by their fairy stories as they are, possibly even begin to understand - a cure for alzheimers disease, no you don't want that, it would offend god, you just sit there and fucking drool. Second their placemen in parliament who are answerable not to the people of this country but to the head of a foreign power in Italy. It's these cunts that really fuck me off; to my mind we are a secular country (nominally I know we aren't but we're certainly not a catholic one) and if you have a religious faith you either check it at the door when you walk into the lawmaking chambers or you fuck right the hell out of public office. Frankly I think anyone with a delusional illness that makes them believe in fairies, invisible pink unicorns or a 2000 year old dead man who talks to them is certifiably insane and therefore unfit for public office of any kind whatsoever.

Hmmm... religious and politicians vs. just the religious. No brainer really, take a number bishop O'Kiddyfiddler I'll get to you in a moment.

Look this is really, really, simple. Even Galileo said that "I do not believe that a God who gave us reason and intellect intended us to forego their use" so why the fuck are we not using every tool at our disposal to end the misery of the diseases that afflict us. Hells donkeys even the chief rabbi said as much at the weekend (but then the yids always were a practical people who don't really believe in god anyway). I will make it quite clear that if a cure for alzheimers disease ming even remotely be found by dropping fetuses and cute baby seals into a large Kenwood food processor then so be it, get on with it. What is fucking offensive is people being robbed of their brains by a fucking evil disease and a twat of a child molestor in a robe spouting on that it is the will of his invisible friend that this is so, not a bunch of twatting cells in a test tube.

Saint Delia

"Oh Delia Smith's new cooking program starts tonight" says Mrs Dracunculus, something about how to cheat at cooking, should be good.

Well both me and Mrs D are not averse to rattling a couple of pots and pans when there are no evicerated knights around to nibble on so we decided to give "Delia does Nigella Express" a go.

Fucking hell! "Does a Nigella Express" is a cunting understatement. The first thing St Delia does is wander into shot and say something like "Five years ago I stopped doing cooking programmes because I had taught you proles everything but life has changed and we don't have time any more blah blah blah" when what she meant to say was "That bitch Lawson is stealing my thunder as the greatest cook since Escoffier and I want REVENGE" which she did by stealing the "express" format right down to the sodding St Germain "Tourist" soundtrack. In total she knocked together a total of six dishes, one of which was basically "Get a jar of fish soup and shove some extra fish in it" and another was "Buy some pesto sauce and stir it into some pasta, look you don't need to make your own pesto!" Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, this just in Delia, no fucker makes their own pesto, we've been buying it in tubs from M&S for fucking years. In total a little less than half of a cookery programme was actually made up with Delia wielding a spoon and actually cooking.

But if her recipe for spag bol made with meat out of a tin (a recipe incidentally that was a student staple for years before I could afford fresh meat) didn't make you heave then the rest would. We get to meet D's dippy old mum bimbling around the kitchen and the fossil she's married to tasting her soup but fully 25% of the programme is taken up with St Delia doing a commercial for the fucking catholic church, doing the bells and smells bit at daily mass at Stowmarket (Mrs Drac, who in a professional capacity once went there said the attendence was "unusually high" and St Delia certainly was not there when she was) and then going round an art gallery with everyone's favourite bonkers nun Sister Wendy who had to come up with the all time "What the Fuck" line when she said of some Coptic art "I love the way the eyes are open so wide, it's because they are looking at God". No you stupid fuck, it was because we as a species hadn't learnt to draw properly when they did those.

So there you have it, a 7 or 8 minute commercial for an organisation that covers up for paedophiles, all paid by from my compulsory television tax.

Now you think I loathe the catholic church... Mrs Drac was dragged up in that "faith" and really loathes it. To the extent that once the program was over she dissapeared into the kitchen for a couple of minutes and I heard a big "thump" noise.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Me throwing both volumes of "Delia's How To Cook" in the recycling bin" she answered.

Explain this one away

He missed again. Guess he was going for the four gay guys travelling the other way in a Renault but managed to smite the bus full of pilgrims going the other way:

At least 26 people have died in a coach crash near the south-eastern city of Grenoble in the French Alps. The coach, carrying mostly elderly Roman Catholic pilgrims from Poland, fell into a ravine while descending a steep incline between Grenoble and Gap. It broke through the safety barrier, fell some 15m (50ft) onto the banks of a stream, and burst into flames. About 20 passengers were also injured. "When the bus was burning, there were injured people inside," local resident Philippe Baret was quoted as saying by the Associated Press news agency. "I saw at least six of them who were stuck inside the bus and burned to death before my very eyes," he said.

Oopsie! The best bit though was last night I was flipping through the French news channels on the satellite (did I mention I speak French?) and they had some priest on who was frantically trying to explain to a very cynical reporter why God would allow such a nasty death to befall what, after all, were pretty serious members of his terrestrial fan club. Predictably he fell back on that weapon of last resort in the theists armoury, namely the logical fallacy that is the argument from special pleading, which in this case went more or less along the lines of "Of course you are not a Christian so you could not possibly understand this but God obviously has a higher purpose that we are not yet aware of but God's will will become clear in time."

Yeah, and 26 Polish grannies trapped in a wrecked coach and burning to death is just collateral damage is it?

Look guys, if this beardy guy in the sky was as good and loving as you claim then shit like this, and presumably the 414 people who died during one month last year, really would not happen. Maybe, just maybe, if you could sit down and really think hard about stuff like this, that mediaeval brainwashing you have called "faith" might clear itself up. Please do try, I know most of you are actually pretty decent people and you can think, you just need to be a bit more critical in your thinking.

Here's something to start working with: These people died because they were in a vehicle with faulty brakes which was on a road deemed too dangerous for that vehicle to be on. They died because of human stupidity, mechanical failure and the practical application of Newton's laws of motion. They were doomed the moment that bus turned down that road and nothing saved them because nothing was there to do so.

Meanwhile for my atheist chums, I found this on some whiny god-botherer blog which I think will give you a giggle:

Pope John Paul II wrote about La Salette on 6th May 1996:

"At La Salette, Mary clearly spoke of the constancy of her prayer for the world: she will never abandon the people created in the image and likeness of God, those to whom it has been given to become children of God."

Shame she didn't have more to say on the subject of motor vehicle maintenance.

It's like rain, on your wedding day

"Isn't it ironic, don't you think?"

That the parents of a child how has been abducted possibly by a paedophile are looking forward to a private audience with the leader of an organisation which has active paedophiles in its ranks and which has and continues to cover up and protect child abuse and the abusers.

Oh and I was bloody right in my last post about the fucking Gulfstream jet as well!!

Retail tycoon Mr Green, who owns Top Shop, had offered the couple his 12-seater Gulfstream jet after hearing about the abduction.