Water, water everywhere...

... but if you dare run any down a hosepipe that's 1000 quid fine,matey.

Within the next couple of weeks the people who supply my water will be making it an offence to use a hosepipe. Now in my innocence I thought that this simply meant "don't use a hosepipe irresponsibly" such as leaving your lawn sprinkler on but no, it's anything. Got a bit of a bad back (like me) and you'd like to fill your watering can up from a hose so you don't knacker yourself carting the can back and forward to the tap, sod you dragon, you're not doing that!

Oh you can have a dispensation if you're disabled but, get this, the qualification for "disabled" is you have one of those disabled parking badges! Well what fecking use is that! You have to be virtually immobile before you can get one of those these days and if you're that screwed up physically I would posit that your hobbies are unlikely to include vegetable gardening.

And as regular readers of this blog know, I have horses; how exactly am I going to get water to their paddocks and stables without a hosepipe given your average hoss will neck down up to 30 litres of water on a hot day?

The best bit though came when I saw the water companies are encouraging people to rat on any of their neighbours who dare get the hose out to fill the kid's paddling pool. I can only assume that it is only a matter of time before we have self-appointed wasser blockleiters who will be prowling the district looking for any evidence of "hose crimes". Maybe for every three people they report they get to run a bath?


Look we all know its been dry and there's not so much of the H₂O to go around but how about for once treating us like intelligent, responsible adults rather than naughty children and just telling us "Look, it's been dry, be sensible with water please. Here are some things you can do to help." You could use some of that740 million quid in profits you made last year to run a few TV ads.

Oh and speaking of Anglian Water's 740 million profits; .given we lose 25% or more through leaks and unrepaired busts maybe you could attend to that first rather than encouraging people to frogmarch their friends to the police station for daring to water the parsnips.

Keep on ranting cardinal

Over the weekend it seems that someone has poked one of those funny little men who wear a dress and a silly hat who believe in an invisible sky pixie. This one is called Cardinal Keith O'Brien who has got his thurible in a twist over of course the one thing above everything else that seems to get the religidiots riled and that's bottysex.

Apparently letting people get married who happen to have the same configuration of junk between their legs is a "grotesque subversion of a universally accepted human right". OK well let's just set aside the fact you are a high-up in an organization that seems to exists solely to facilitate its staff members' sexual abuse of minors and pick the bones out of that sentence you regurgitated.

Universal
Human
Right

Yep, a universal right for all humans. If you like someone and they like you and the pair of you want to commit to each other you can do this thing where you stand up and say a few words and get a bit of paper with your names on it. We call it "Marriage". Nowhere does this "universal human right' mention anything about your reproductive plumbing. 

Honestly of the guy had any sense at all he's just shut the fuck up as all he's done is make himself look a complete foaming-at-the-mouth religious extremist in a Taliban stylee,  and if anyone was wavering on the "gay Marriage good thing / bad thing" fence they certainly won't want to be associated with you.

So keep on ranting cardinal because you're doing the cause of marriage equality a metric fuckton of favours. Plus, when you get found out shagging rent-boys, it makes it way more amusing for the rest of us if we can tag 'hypocrisy' onto your list of personal failings.