Burn the Witch!

Ah, nothing like a good paedophile panic in the morning to set you up for the day, good old paedophiles, the witches of the 21st century, moral panic, guilt-free hatred and a bit of tittilation thrown in for good measure. Where would we be without them - hating someone else presumably.

Today's panic has been running all day on Sky news (which my employer thoughtfully lets us all watch on giant fucking plasma screens suspended on the walls) and it's even got the internet in it - yay we got the whole cunting package here boys!

Online paedophiles are cruising a virtual world to act out their sexual fantasies with young children. Sky News reporter Jason Farrell has been investigating the darker side to the virtual world Second Life - and found an area called "Wonderland" that is being used by child abusers.

Oh Noes! Poor online children innocently going online and being targeted by nasty, evil peedofils! Shut down Second Life now. No shut down the whole of the InterWeb just to be sure.

Only...

Wonderland is a virtual children's playground where paedophiles cruise and kids are solicited," said Farrell. ... "After talking to one child I was offered a range of sordid and sick sexual acts.

Errr... well let me spell this out for you Mr Farrel - YOU WERE NOT SPEAKING TO A CHILD! What you were talking to was some sad sack in ill-fitting polyester trousers and round glasses called Raymond who is 32 and still lives at home with his mother. If you went round to Club Fur in Second Life do you think that the six foot tall raccoons and foxes you are chatting to have fluffy tails and paws in real life you fucking moron.

Look I hold no brief for people who get their jollies for fantasizing about sex with minors but surely it's better for them all to be in here where they are doing imaginary things to each other with badly animated pixels than actually out in the real world actually doing anything physical to an actual child. And no I don't buy this "oh it feeds their fantasies and they'll go and act them out." arse the NSPCC comes out with. I don't go out and deliberately drive my car into pedestrians and gun down policemen after I've played a bit of Grand Theft Auto. If anything this might just keep the lid on a few people and actually keep them from really doing real. But what if you were to innocently stroll into "wonderland" get into something there (or any online environment) that freaks you out or someone starts doing something you don't like?

You see that power lead going to your computer? Give that a good hard tug at the end that's plugged into the wall and the problem will immediately go away.

This was just bone fucking idle tabloid journalism at its worst, sloppier than a bag full of raccoon puke. Mr Farrell, for this piece of bullshit you deserve strapping to a table and raping with elephant dildos.

And not in a virtual way either.


(Disclaimer: I have never once been on Second Life, my first life is too busy to permit it and if my internet connection sucked any harder than it does I'd probably enjoy it)

That Royal Blackmail Scandal

Him, apparently.

Move along. Nothing to see here.

UPDATE: Name removed because some fucktroll of a lawyer is oozing his slimetrail through the interweb looking for people to sue for so much as mentioning the name, so I don't. Nothing wrong with keeping the link though, so up yours DeStefano!

Pot / Kettle Chromatic Equivalence Alert

Hi, I'll do the dishes, I've brought my own teatowel.

Perhaps if you permitted a certain religion to be practiced in your country you might be familiar with Matthew 7:3,

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Perhaps, my dishrag clad friend, rather than telling us off for not doing enough against terrorism, if you were to do something about your schoolbooks (for men only, natch) telling your kids that we in the west are irredeemable kuffir who should be destroyed, not to mention exporting said schoolbooks to "educational" institutions you set up around the world which leads your country to be a decided net exporter of islamic whackjob terrorists then you may have a point of view we might want to listen to.

Until then, fuck off you cunt.

Pretending to see the future

Humanity may split into two sub-species in 100,000 years' time... The descendants of the genetic upper class would be tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, and creative and a far cry from the "underclass" humans who would have evolved into dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures.

Having had the "pleasure" of the company of a load of Burberry clad underclass the other day I would say that this has already happened. Basically the guy might have just as well summarised the plot of H.G. Wells' "The Time Machine" lock, stock and barrel. How on earth did he get away with this, surely any proper peer reviewed journal would spot this a mile off?

He carried out the report for men's satellite TV channel Bravo.

Ah right... that explains it.

Can I do a report on what worlds might exists in the backs of wardrobes?

And you thought I didn't like the McCanns

I hope Kate McCann is hounded into a successful suicide attempt before the end of the year. Amongst the most cold, calculated, selfish, self serving, unrepentant and loathsome examples of womanhood to cross my radar in many years- and she's an effin' scot to boot.

I hope she is spat upon, derided and aliented at every turn. An example of the worst that modern britain produces

Go read the lot... http://www.grumpieroldmen.co.uk/forum/phpBB210/viewtopic.php?t=18281&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=15

Cold

October (n): Tenth month of the year, characterised by leaves falling off trees, night-time temperatures dipping down towards freezing and One fucking Railway failing to turn on the heating on their fucking shitty trains.

Wankers. I've had to set fire to a grandmother this morning just so I can warm the claws up enough to type this.

Glug glug glug...

Four drown off Portuguese coast trying to save children.

Kate "Black Widow" McCann protests innocence, flies off to see Pope, positions self as drowning off rocks expert.

An exercise in futility

Flapping around the InterWeb yesterday evening I stumbled upon the XXX Church, a website both hilarious and deeply sad in equal measure. It isn't what you would expect from the URL, no nuns with donkies or pics of Father O'Murphy's latest choirboy but it's a site devoted to helping cure you of your "pornography addiction".

It's very clever on a lot of levels, first unlike most Xtian sites that seem to have been designed by a kid off the special-ed bus using HotDog v1.0 on a 486 this one is well built, quick and engaging so you think you might well have stumbled on an adult site, secondly getting that URL was fucking inspired. Thirdly they have gone for the "it's an addiction, it's not your fault" line, see it's not your fault, it's the nasty booze, heroin, porn that has made you an addict so don't feel bad, we can help you. It's a pernicious lie if ever there was one; of course it is impossible to be physically addicted to anything that isn't a chemical you put in your body. Sure you can become obsessed with anything, stamp collecting, restoring vintage cars or, indeed, looking at online smut but you don't see sites devoted to helping "stamp collecting addicts" do you. Of course once you have something labelled as "addictive" (which immediately equates to "dangerous") it's a lot easy to get your campaign to restrict or ban said something - and make no mistake this is something the followers of your Middle-Eastern Sky God would love to to, even the moderate ones.

What heartens me though is the utter futility of their task. Firstly take a look at the hatemail section. You would expect the hatemail to be from, well, folks like your favourite grumpy dragon telling them what a bunch of wankstains they were and that they could have my horseporn when they pry it from my cold, dead claws but nope, virtually all the hatemail is from other Xtians telling them what evil scum they are and, showing true Christian charity, that they will all assuredly burn in hell where devils will repeatedly poke their nether regions with tiny pitchforks¹

But for the real giggles you need to go to the "Prayer Wall" where the sad sacks who have been drawn in by this nonsense make their confessions and ask for prayers. These are just hilarious, Mrs Dracunculus had to help me back into my chair I was laughing so loud. From the guy who posted his e-mail asking them to repent of their sins and stop running a porn site he'd sent to the customer support address of "Virtualgirls.com" and was still awaiting a response from the management, to the guy who had finally beaten his "porn addiction" and his wife still left him, to the high school student who is doing his "365 days of purity" and keeps falling off the wagon every three or four days never has a group of people deserving of more derisive laughter been gathered in one place.

Equally however I do feel saddened and not a little angry at the whole thing; look porn has been around ever since Ug the Neanderthal picked up a burnt stick and scratched it against the wall of the cave and it will be with us long after we are all wearing one piece silver jump suits on our day trips to Betelgeuse, it is not going to go away, no matter how much you would like it to and how much you pray. Sex is an integral part of the make up of any animal, us included. We think about it most of the time, it's a basic biological drive and uniquely among the animals we can answer part of that biological drive by looking at pictures of other individuals in a sexual context². There's nothing wrong with looking at mucky pictures or indeed having one off the wrist, it's as natural as breathing and going to the lavatory and the only thing making it unhealthy is getting all tied up in guilt over it because you're a subscriber to some mediaeval unreality cult whose way of controlling you is to make you feel bad about anything that might be pleasurable. I want to go on there and just tell the poor fuckers writing in that "You know, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing, keep it up, just don't do it 24/7."

In fact I have applied for an account as I think there is some prime mischief making possibilities here and the opportunity to maybe to make a point at the same time.

If I get the account I'll start messing with their heads next week... see if you can spot which one is me.



¹ Alas! Spare my posterior!

² Does not seem to work with animals that. As a control I printed off some piccies of hunky stallions and showed them to my mare Sunshine. She sniffed them, nibbled them to see if they were edible and then wandered off and started eating the hawthorn hedge.

Then they came for the drinkers

Well as predicted our nanny-knows-best rulers having done for the smokers are turning their guns on the drinkers. And are they going for the pissed up morons who turn our towns and cities into battlegrounds every Saturday night? Nope they are going for your law abiding dragon who drinks three or four bottles of wine a week which apparently makes me a "harmful drinker".

What makes me harmful is shite like this emanating from a government I pay for and you are going to find out just how harmful several tons worth of screaming, flaming dragon can be should you come round my house looking for my vote. But what are they going to do... well they are "working hard to change attitudes." How about working hard to keep your fucking nose out of our business. Look you fuckers, we are talking about well off middle class people here, we're not a burden on the NHS because we've all got BUPA and if we want to float into an early grave on a lake of Chianti then that's up to us and not fucking you so just go and give yourself a vodka enema.

But who is working hard to "change our attitudes" (and if you won't change them we'll force you to)?

Public health minister Dawn Primarolo said

Ah, you would be the same Dawn Primarolo who decimated the IT contracting industry trough IR35 then. Yes Dawn I'm really going to take notice of everything you say you utter, utter cunt. Now just chuck a bottle of sambuca over yourself would you¹, I find the blue flames it produces when I breathe on you most pleasing to look at.


¹ you can stuff a coffee bean up each nostril to complete the effect if you like.

"We shall have peace"

Oh this is fucking rich!

More than 130 Muslim scholars have written to Pope Benedict and other Christian leaders urging greater understanding between the two faiths. They say that world peace could depend on improved relations between Muslims and Christians.

Greater understanding my arse... we all know this means "you must understand us, we don't need to understand you". Thing is, as I pointed out in an earlier post, by taking a look at the Koran the Christians (whom as you know I hold no brief for) can perfectly well understand where they stand, and it isn't here...

They also cite the Koran as placing a duty on Muslims to treat Christians and Jews as followers of those prophets with particular friendship.

rather it's here...

5:54 O ye who believe! take not the Jews and the Christians for your friends and protectors: They are but friends and protectors to each other. And he amongst you that turns to them (for friendship) is of them. Verily God guideth not a people unjust.

and here

9:29 Fight against such of those who have been given the Scripture as believe not in Allah nor the last day, and forbid not that which Allah hath forbidden by His Messenger and follow not the religion of truth, until they pay the tribute (jizya) readily, being brought low.

Peace, apparently, depends on either conversion to Islam or subjugation and taxation as inferiors.

I am reminded of King Theoden's speech to Saruman when Saruman offers peace...


We shall have peace... We shall have peace, when you answer for the burning of the Westfold, and the children that lie dead there! We shall have peace, when the lives of the soldiers whose bodies were hewn even as they died against the gates of the Hornberg, are avenged! When you hang from a gibbet for the sport of your own crows...! We shall have peace.

Liveblogging from the train.

19:17, Whittlesford.

I'm stuck on the train. We've just had an announcement that we're going to be delayed because of a fatality on the line.

"What did he say?" asks some dippy old woman with one of those faces that looks like your fingers look after a long soak in the bath.

"Someone's thrown themselves in front of a train further up the line" says your helpful scaly friend.

"Oh dear, how long are we going to be?"

"That depends on how many pieces he ended up in."

I think I managed to give her an extra wrinkle.

UPDATE: Eventually got thrown off the train which was moved to a siding, hung around the station for ages with the promise of a bus being summoned but which never arrived. Finally the trains started up again and I got home around 2 hours late. I really hope that being hit by a train really, really hurt the selfish cunt. I was inconvenienced (which always make a grumpy dragon even grumpier) but what about the poor fucking train driver who will now forever see your stupid face coming towards his cab and hearing that wet, squelchy thump as two hundred tons of locomotive impacted you at over 100kph every time he closes his eyes, not to mention the plod and ambulance crews who had to scrape the remains of your sorry arse off the permanent way.

How do you say "Giddyup" in Kazakh?

The first woman to command the International Space Station has been given a Kazakh riding whip as a present to take up to the shuttle. I think it would be much more interesting if they'd given her a horse to take up as well, one of those little hairy steppes ponies they have out there.

Hmmmm.... zero G horse porn, there's an idea.

Now let's see how long it takes for someone to turn up here as a result of them googling for it. I give it six hours.

We all need to be cypherpunks now

Hello dear reader, please take a look at the text below:

#èØüÈâ[òš9þ³4máÑ#g€ò£§úùÞ¡5QÛ
¯d1P4 Kh@‚׶cÅ'iÛ±DOç#‘·+[Ña-3~w}¸GekuÊcT
…ÔëÔ+FJGŒl^Þ©¨Ç5KÛ+üdOìP/ÛTÞèˆo)Ȥ~–Ì5}²9
°§±×¡"ƪ_Y_’¯†…æ(pãPÙãùEç4ÿöÝ2é>mqŠ=h-¼ù
b&Xæ¹xkú'ù¡‘ BsûÑ„_:x‡”M×ýõœC´ÄžBfëÝJá–xÃ
‘;¯v

What has just landed in your computer is a block of cyphertext encrypted using a Serpent serpent, 256-bit key, 128 bit block cypher with a RIPEMD-160 hash.

And you do not know the decryption key.

So, as of this Monday just gone, when PC Plod comes round to your house and finds this on your computer and demands you decrypt it and you say you can't because you don't have the key then that is no longer a defence and you can get two years in the nick. Welcome to the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2007 and the overturning of the principle of innocent until proven guilty. Also remember that you are deemed to have "made" that piece of cyphertext too because having downloaded it, albeit unwittingly when you opened my blog on your browser, you have made a copy and that counts as "making" - you know all those people they get for child porn and they get done for x counts of "making images" that's what it means, it doesn't mean they got their cameras out.

Ihr papieren ist nicht in ordnung. Kommen Sie bitte mit uns.

So what to do. Well you could do worse than get yourself a copy of TrueCrypt which is a free, open source encryption utility that's really easy to use and has one killer feature that'll keep you safe from Brown's Geheime Staatspolitzei. What it does is you can tell it to create an encrypted disk drive within an encrypted disk drive; that way you can have an encrypted drive with a key you can reveal to the plod in which all they see is a bunch of files with your bank details and other mundane stuff in them that any normal, prudent citizen would want to keep safe in the event of their PC being stolen. However hidden on that drive is the second secure drive that unless you type in the right passwords doesn't even appear to be there, nor is it possible to prove their is a second drive and of course it is on this second drive that you store all your bomb making instructions, plans for setting fire to the Labour front bench and of course your dragon porn.

I've been using it for a couple of days now and it's supplanted my previous software (DriveCrypt) as hiding things tool of choice. Go get a copy, even if you have nothing to hide (but trust me that you do), just to stick two fingers up at the fascists we call a government

Fairy tales as science

This is just plain fucking wrong.

The teaching of evolution is becoming increasingly difficult in UK schools because of the rise of creationism, a leading scientist is warning. Head of science at London's Institute of Education Professor Michael Reiss says some teachers, fearful of entering the debate, avoid the subject totally.

Creationism and it's brother, Intelligent Design, which is just creationism dressed up in a lab coat, needs to be stomped on, breathed on and then stomped on some more. Anyone who still believes, in the face of the overwhelming evidence for humans coming into existence via evolutionary processes, that we were farted out of some middle eastern sky God's arse one Saturday morning in a moron. Believe in Intelligent Design if you want but I mentioned in a previous post if there was a designer he wasn't very intelligent but you're being wilfully ignorant and if you inflict this ignorance on your kids that's tantamount to child abuse in my book.

However what's even more scary is the reason Prof Reiss gives for the problem:

Prof Reiss says the rise of creationism is partly down to the large increase in Muslim pupils in UK schools. He said: "The number of Muslim students has grown considerably in the last 10 to 20 years and a higher proportion of Muslim families do not accept evolutionary theory compared with Christian families.

Yeah, and I bet that whereas most Christian families would just tut and scream their prayers a bit louder in little Johnny's ears the Muslims will be going down the school, demanding that their religion be respected and making those veiled threats along the "this is inflaming community tensions" which translates as "shut up dhimmis or its fatwa and explosions time".

I despair sometimes.

Scaly Dragon Porn

Just been having a look at my referrers - basically who comes to the blog as a result of what they search for in Google.

Jesus I have some seriously twisted readers; and that makes me very happy.

Apparently I am the number three result on google.com for "scaly dragon porn", right behind the guy who has a blog devoted exclusively to the subject¹ and I'm the number one result on Belgian Google for "elephant wanker"

Surrealism still going strong in the land of chips and chocolate then.


¹ Caution: Link not safe for work, for anyone for whom the term "Hot dragon vent action" is distasteful or anyone who appreciates decent furry spooge writing quite frankly.

Religion of peace my arse

Well I've been off for a week alternately putting my claws up, pottering around northern France and digging trenches for water pipes. So as I trundled off in the dark for the train this morning I was wondering if the world had become just maybe a little less insane in the intervening seven or eight days.

Not a chance.

First thing I see on the beeb is this

An advertising campaign promoting British Muslims as integrated citizens who reject extremism has been launched. Islam is Peace - formed after the bombings in London in July 2005 - has initially placed adverts on the capital's buses and Underground trains. They show a range of Muslims - including a policewoman, a Scout group and the chef Michael Barry - with the slogan "Proud to be a British Muslim". Organisers say research shows many Britons associate Islam with terrorism.

Yes, we associate Islam with terrorism because it's followers of Islam that are fucking blowing us up. We used to associate Irish Republicanism with terrorism for exactly the same reason. You want "us" to stop thinking of you as a load of bearded murderers, stop planting fucking bombs in our cities, that'll do the trick. But that's kind of easier said than done isn't it? For although you're keen to say...

The group insists that the religion demands that its followers live in peace with their neighbours within non-Muslim societies.

It actually doesn't. In fact it says the complete opposite. Not only does it explicity say that Muslims can't be friends with non-Muslims...

# 3:28 Let not the believers Take for friends or helpers Unbelievers rather than believers: if any do that, in nothing will there be help from God: except by way of precaution, that ye may Guard yourselves from them.

# 3:118 O ye who believe! Take not into your intimacy those outside your ranks: They will not fail to corrupt you. They only desire your ruin: Rank hatred has already appeared from their mouths: What their hearts conceal is far worse. We have made plain to you the Signs, if ye have wisdom.

# 4:144 O ye who believe! Take not for friends unbelievers rather than believers: Do ye wish to offer God an open proof against yourselves?

# 5:54 O ye who believe! take not the Jews and the Christians for your friends and protectors: They are but friends and protectors to each other. And he amongst you that turns to them (for friendship) is of them. Verily God guideth not a people unjust.

But you're actually supposed to convert us, by force if we don't submit willingly...

# 5:33 The Punishment for those who oppose Allah and his messenger is : Execution or Crucifixion or the cutting off of hands and feet from opposite sides or exile from the land

# 8:38-39 Say to the Unbelievers, if (now) they desist (from Unbelief), their past would be forgiven them; but if they persist, the punishment of those before them is already (a matter of warning for them). And fight them on until there is no more tumult or oppression, and there prevail justice and faith in God altogether and everywhere; but if they cease, verily God doth see all that they do.

# 9:5 But when the forbidden months are past, then fight and slay the Pagans wherever ye find them, and seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem (of war); but if they repent, and establish regular prayers and practise regular charity, then open the way for them: for God is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.

# 9:29 Fight those who believe not in God nor the Last Day, nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by God and His Apostle, nor acknowledge the religion of Truth, (even if they are) of the People of the Book, until they pay the Jizya [tribute] with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued.

# 9:123 O ye who believe! fight the unbelievers who gird you about, and let them find firmness in you: and know that God is with those who fear Him.

# 47:4 Therefore, when ye meet the Unbelievers (in fight), smite at their necks; At length, when ye have thoroughly subdued them, bind a bond firmly (on them): thereafter (is the time for) either generosity or ransom: Until the war lays down its burdens. Thus (are ye commanded): but if it had been God's Will, He could certainly have exacted retribution from them (Himself); but (He lets you fight) in order to test you, some with others. But those who are slain in the Way of God,- He will never let their deeds be lost.

And that's from two minutes Googling.

So, ye believers, you will will I hope forgive this little dragon's cynicism when you come the "Religion of Peace" line, because it quite clearly isn't.