How stupid can people be

As I'm laid up at the moment I've taken up a fun new hobby of pissing off people who send out "419" - also known as "advance fee fraud" - emails. You know the ones that you get where some twat pretending to be the wife of some dickcheese ex president of some shithole African swamp has umpty million dollars in dodgy blood diamonds she needs your help in smuggling out of the country.

Like you I've normally just junked these when the get through the spam filters but with nothing better to do and inspired by sites like TheScamBaiter and 419Eater I thought I would open an account on gmail and play the part of a slightly dippy old granny who is bemused that a former head of state's wife would choose an Ilkley church-going grandmother with a fondness for baking rock buns for her neighbours to be the recipient of several squillion dollars in bent oil revenues.

If I was stunned that anyone would even answer these emails before I am even more stunned now that after two or three responses from the perpetrators that anyone ever gets as far as the "money shot" where the perps ask for a large wedge of cash to be sent by money transfer. As an example at the moment I have a "lawyer" called Richard Crook who can barely string a sentence together in English despite having sent me a scan of a UK passport depicting a middle aged white guy and having chambers in what a Google search reveals is a TK Maxx outlet on Oxford St and as proof of the huge sums awaiting me says he is going to the high court in London to lodge an affidavit and then as proof sends me something from a magistrates court from Accrington, a small town in Lancashire noted for a joke football team and being the birthplace of a certain prog rocker who really, really wanted to be an elf called Jon Anderson.

To be honest my gut feeling is that anyone falling for this hogwash deserves everything they get. But I realise that there are genuinely frail, desperate and dippy grannies from West Yorkshire towns out there who are not savvy enough to see through the bullshit and who think that Miriam Abachas' millions might just save then from a life on NuLabour's hand to mouth breadline and keep them out of the state's piss stinking nursing home. So if me tapping away on my PC and sending 20Mb blank PDF documents to these bastards keeps them from a genuine granny then so much the better.

Incidentally, I have this bridge in London for sale if anyone is interested?

The ArchDhimmi of Canterbury

If you heard a lot of screaming coming from the fenlands of East Anglia yesterday it was probably from people being scalded to death because I read this and it rather made my piss boil.

The Archbishop of Canterbury says the adoption of certain aspects of Sharia law in the UK "seems unavoidable".

The stupid fucking cunt really doesn't get this one little bit. I mean I hold no brief for the Anglican Medaeval Unreality Cult but does this fucktard actually know what his job is? Here's a hint Dr Williams. You're and ARCHBISHOP, not a fucking imam, that means you worship the chap who got nailed to a plank, not the chap who fucked a 12 year old girl called Aalyah. It should mean that in the culture war we have had thrust upon us you should be on our side, not theirs.

Dr Rowan Williams told Radio 4's World at One that the UK has to "face up to the fact" that some of its citizens do not relate to the British legal system.

Well boo fucking hoo. Hey there are goodly chunks of the British legal system I don't especially like but it's the one we have. Look if you don't "relate" to it that much may I suggest you piss off to some third world cesspit where they have a system of amputation and stoning that is more suited to your neanderthal sensibilities?

Dr Williams argues that adopting parts of Islamic Sharia law would help maintain social cohesion.

Look you weirdybeary idiot, it will do no such thing. It will do the precise opposite. Rather than being dragged kicking and screaming into something approaching modernity the towelheads will just be even more ghettoised. And don't give me this shite about "oh it's just for civil disputes and both parties have to agree." What sodding chance does a woman in Islam have of standing up and saying "No, I'd rather this child custody case went before a proper court, you know one where we present evidence that is equal in weight to yours and I might actually stand a chance of winning my case."

He says Muslims should not have to choose between "the stark alternatives of cultural loyalty or state loyalty".

Bzzzzt! Wrong! That is exactly the choice that they have to make. Either you wish to embrace the legal and cultural norms of British society or you remain loyal to your barbarous religion and its dark-age practices. There is no accomodation. There is no compromise.

You take it or you fuck right the hell off.

And if you go, can you take the speccy cunt pictured below with you. He has a beard so he should fit right in.

New Lows in Television

So regular readers of this blog will know that I'm laid up at the moment and not able to do a great deal but I have been trying to fill the time with worthwhile persuits and not vegitating in front of the idiot tube. However on Saturday a combination of pain and painkillers meant that all I was really capable of was plonking myself in front of the box and trying not to whimper.

So I watched some game where men throw a ball about and England predictably get beaten and after that well look who should mince onto my screen but Graham "Does this dick up may arse make me look gay?" Norton. Hmm, this must mean that there's some sort of dancing or singing talent show in the offing and, indeed, there is.

Jesus fucking Christ on a bike! Not only is this a talent show for tone deaf idiots who want to be famous but not content with that these walking abortions want to be famous for being somebody famous. So bereft of any originality are these cretins that they all are what are laughably dubbed "tribute acts", in other words the talentless pretend to be someone with talent (or at the very least, success). You know that this is going to really melt your eyeballs and want to gouge your ears out with a rusty spoon when the first "turn" was an Elton John impersonator who (a) did not sound like Mr Dwight, (b) was about a foot taller than the genuine article and (c) was probably, due to his girth, more suited to being a Shamu the Killer Whale tribute act. At least he could play the piano, a bit. We were then treated to a succession of "Tonight Matthew I'm going to be..." losers who between them could barely hold a tune in a bucket, the lowlight of which had to be some prune of a plumber from Lancashire who wanted to be Robbie Williams. Oh he had the irritating smugness and all the dickish gestured the cheeky chirpy cockney cunt does but, I grudgingly admit, the real Robbie can sing and is able to craft a decent pop tune; this chap could do neither and of course today he's going to have a crack at "Angels", that's the one with the big lift into the chorus that goes "And through it AAAAAAALLLLL...."

Our Robbie wannabe impersonator boings around the stage for a while through the first verse whilst his accent leaves these shores and takes up residence somewhere off the Azores in a mid-atlantic drawl that's neither fish nor fowl, the audience try and be helpful and sway from side to side holding glow-sticks up in the air and then comes Mr Pipe the Plumber's big moment... "And through it AAAARRRRGGGGGG!"

Strewth. His voice didn't so much as miss the note but sail right past it and had to turn round and come back at the next roundabout.

After that the bloke who didn't look or sound like Frank Sinatra was a blessing.

Can someone remind me how much these fucknuts get from my TV Tax again?

They don't like it when it happens to them, do they.

Aw diddums. Some raghead of an MP thinks that he has been bugged whilst visting a terrorist "constituent" who is in prison awaiting extradition.

Let's leave aside for a moment the fact that muslim MPs are consorting with muslim terrorists and the matter of treason for a moment and have a look at what this fellow colleage fucktrumpets in Westminster are saying...

Mr Straw said it was "completely unacceptable" for an MP to be recorded while talking to a constituent.

"I think there will be deep concern on all sides of the House of Commons if these allegations prove to be founded."

"...what has happened is highly questionable."

Thurrock MP Andrew McKinlay said it was "wholly unacceptable" for MPs to be under surveillance.

But it is perfectly acceptable for my progress to be tracked on CCTV cameras everywhere I go, for me to be forced to hand over the passwords for my encrypted communications under threat of 3 years in jail, for me to have to carry around a biometric ID...

One law for them, one law for the rest of us. Shoot the fucking lot of them.

And as for Sadiq Khan, he's a traitor and should be swinging from a lamp-post.

Musings on the Subject Of Drugs

Posting has been a bit light this week as on Tuesday I paid a visit to my doctor. Going into the surgery I was overtaken by a man in a zimmer frame with gout who looked like Methuselah's dad. "Blimey you look ill" he said.

Doctor confirmed the paramedic's diagnosis and asked what his locum had prescribed me over the phone, I showed him.

"Oh they're useless, here have a prescription for some proper painkillers and have a sick note for two weeks. Now be careful with these, they might make you feel a little light headed.

Try "Away with the fucking faries"!

Which brings me to the subject of this blog post. Now what I'm taking is a reasonably high dose of this stuff which, as Professor Wikipedia informs me, is synthesized by my liver into Morphene and as the strongest illegal drug I've even taken before was a few puffs on a herbal jazz cigarette in my student years going onto what is in effect a low dose of Horse it's having a rather interesting effect - it still hurts but I really don't mind too much.

Apart from that my concentration is a little bit affected and I have to think very hard when making cups of tea (did I put the sugar in?) but generally I just feel, well, "nice" I suppose, a sort of feeling that everything is OK when plainly it isn't and my inner dragon is bouncing around going "It Hurts! Set fire to some random motherfuckers NOW!"

And I was wondering if that is why people of a certain council estate and chavoid nature seem so partial to opiate narcotics. I mean if I had no future and lived somewhere that looked like this...



...then I might start looking for escape in a haze of couldn't give a shitness.

Like all chemical escapes though it's a short term fix. In a few weeks my ribs will be better and I can stop taking the pills. In a few weeks you will still be in the Shiteholme Estate looking at a slightly more rusted pile of crap. There is an escape but you have to be smart enough and brave enough at an early age to properly avail yourself of the education that is on offer and get yourself out.