It would appear that the town where I was fledged1 appears to have won some sort of football competition and, apparently, gets to play with the big boys next year before presumably crashing ignominiously back into the Coca-Cola-Everest-Double-Glazing Conference League where I assume they have been since I upped sticks and buggered off to somewhere where I could (a) get an education and (b) a job. So congratulations I suppose to Burnley footy club but please don't for a microsecond think that anything on this earth could induce me to stand on the terraces (do they still have those) of Turf Moor again or, to be honest, express any interest in your success or failure at kicking a pigs' bladder around.
Look it's like this. I really could not give a flying fuck about football. The game bores me rigid. I was utterly crap at it at school and always ended up just arseing about in "defence" which meant you got to stand at the back and only had to run about when the other lot ran towards you as far as I could tell. On the rare occasions when some misguided sense of loyalty to my mates in the band I was in lead me to actually attend a match at the aforementioned Turf Moor I never really understood what was going on, didn't know the words to the songs and usually had gone to the bogs or in search of a Bovril when anyone actually scored a goal. So I'm not going to be going out and buying a claret and blue scarf and actually learning the names of the overpaid dicks who actually do the ball kicking stuff if that's OK with you.
Speaking of refreshments I happened to notice that the club sponsor was Hollands Pies who may be the makers of the finest steak puddings on the planet but I doubt lack the financial wherewithal to fund a premier league side.
Mind you finance being what it is you're lucky to have a sponsor and next year we might see you sponsored by the man who sells the pies at the ground.
Mine's a meat and potato, thanks. I'll pass on the Bovril.
1 Do dragons fledge, not having any feathers and all that?
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2 comments:
No, you do not have to follow football. Football demonstrates just what is wrong with team work! You are far too intelligent to be a football supporter. I agree with your stance on sponsorship and birth-roots. What is good is the clothing these supporters wear, regardless of your interest or lack of it, in any sport. I have a Hartlepool United "away" football shirt, an English rugby shirt and many Welsh rugby shirts. I last saw Hartlepool United play football in 1968 and I have NEVER been to a rugby match. The clothing is good but the sports are boring!
I must admit you are right there.
I have a recollection of going to a rugby match, once, in some arse freezing knackered "stadium" somewhere on the Cumbrian coast. I have no idea who was playing but I remember that someone broke a leg and everyone applauded. Despite my interest in rugby the sport being about the same as Rugby the town I have a few rugby shirts from the "cotton traders" place - they have a shop at one of those outlet places near me. Comfy, practical and are useful for drying the horses off with once they get too knackered to wear.
However the next person who rocks up at the house and says "Oh, do you support South Africa?" is going to get breathed on.
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