Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Pretty Prancing Ponies

Over here I see that the dressage events in the Olympics have not exactly been going down a bundle with the population of Honkers.

Many of the initial 10,400 spectators, more used to the excitement of weekly horse races at the same venue, fell asleep during the dressage events, sometimes referred to as 'horse ballet.'

One of them told the city's Sunday Morning Post newspaper she was 'deeply bored.' 'The horses just walked from one side of the arena to the other and then back again,' she said.

'I thought they were just going through the warm-up exercises but the commentators said the round was over ... I really don't think Hong Kong people will be interested in this.'


Obviously no-one had bothered to explain haute école dressage to the locals. We've also had some PETA numpty over on the Grauniad bleating on about how dressage is cruel (and dull) - no link as if I read the Grauniad I have to go and scrub mysef with carbolic to remove the taint and I can't be arsed right now.

I've seen this happen every time the Olympics roll around, let's have a go at the equestrian sports and usually the boot gets put in against the most impenetrable one which is invariably dressage. Usually the bleat is "well the olympics should be about what people can do, not horses" to which my response is "fine, then dump all the sailing events then", after all sailing is about the wind and your skill in manipulating it to make a boat do something, not that much different from manipulating a different motive power source to do something. Sure the argument would open the doors to, say, rally driving being in the Olympics and to be honest I've got no problem with that - be more interesting that watching a bunch of lycra clad twats going round a wooden circle. That and the fucking beach volleyball - I mean that's what you arse about doing for 20 minutes on holiday before going "fuck it's hot" and retiring to the poolside bar for a Heineken or six.

I have to 'fess up a bias here as when I used to ride competitively dressage was my main discipline and the one I enjoyed the most as (a) it was the one that got you and the horse really communicating, any fool can learn enough riding to get a horse over a jump - dressage you had to really work at understanding what the horse was "saying" and (b) you were a damned lot less likely to die and / or kill your horse than doing cross country

And the bloody beeb only showed the dressage section of the eventing anyway (which is a bit dressage 101) and not the Grand Prix section, or rather they did, online without any sound according to one of my horsey friends who managed to find it. And I'll lay money that we'll have wall to wall coverage of the synchronised drowning when that comes on. Well at least that's funny; the way they waddle to the pool looking like they've just shat themelves is fucking hilarious.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fellow dressage rider here - the Grand Prix Special and Kur were shown but on the BBC red button option. Kur coverage was great - live and no interruptions, but some idiot commentator seemed to think he was commentating on the horse races and bellowed throughout the first few tests so you couldn't hear the music at all. Thankfully Jennie Loriston-Clarke told him to shut up!

Dracunculus said...

Ah, I never quite mastered the little red button. I got some of the Grand Prix from the website though.

And I admit I guess if you don't know anything about dressage it does rather look like "horses walking from one side of the arena to the other"

Not much chance of winning anything remotely dressagey on Sunshine - she has heard of the concept of an outline but will have no truck with it :-)

Anonymous said...

Well you need to have shooting as your sport of choice to really collect the Guardian hate reviews! It is a participation sport not a spectator sport - just as I suspect is dressage. Lets hope that they keep it in the games and resist the urge to replace it with something Media friendly like topless darts.