Having some fun with the recruitment consultants

Recruitment consultants are one of those necessary evils in my line of work. Sure there are some good ones out there but there's a lot of them that seem to think that the way to do their job is essentially by using the same method as a Nigerian 419 scammer. You have a list of email addresses and you simply fire whatever role you happen to have at everyone on that list regardless of suitability, location or anything else for that matter.

I have one company that does this about three or four times a day. However one of them has got smart and titled his email as "This is a personal email..." rather than "Here's a Java gig you're going to ignore"...

Dear Grumpy Dragon,

Thank you for registering with us even if it was a while ago. I am the .Net specialist (not technically like you) within the Thames Valley area solely working on permanent placements. I expect to be speaking to you all in the near future.

I currently have a number of exciting opportunities in Guildford, Reading and their surrounding areas. If you haven’t already sent this message to your junk folder then I would love the opportunity to find out your current situation and interest.

If you could drop me a quick email stating whether you’re looking (or not) and location then I can make sure that I focus my attention to relevant opportunities that would be good for you.

"Exciting" and "Guildford" don't go together in my book. 


Hello Recruitment Consultant

Thanks for your mail.

Yes I did register on your site some time ago and with what must have been quite an old CV as I keep getting offers of 25k coding jobs in Portsmouth from a variety of agents at your company.

Quite frankly I wouldn't get out of bed for 25k, and certainly not if I had to work in Portsmouth.

And to be honest a similar gig in Slough or Reading isn't exactly going to be getting me champing at the bit either.  I mean have you actually been to Slough? It's like having the will to live sucked out of you with a striped bendy straw.

All in all I think it would be best if you could either remove my profile from your database or point me in the direction of a link on your website where I can do this myself. Whereas it's been amusing to hear the likes of Ceris and Melanie trying to big up a 30k J2SE job in Southampton every week, the novelty factor is starting to wear off and I find myself increasingly tempted to hit the "junk' button.

I know you'd like me to send in a current CV but I'm not going to as I know you and your colleagues would simply then start firing equally irrelevant 50k C++ development team leader in Guildford jobs at me with all the enthusiasm and accuracy of an artillery crew at their first day on the job.

Thanks

Grumpy

 I'm fully expecting a phone call from him this morning. They are like The Terminator these people, completely unstoppable.