AA - about as useful as a bunch of alcoholics

Had all the makings of a lovely evening last night - clear skies, clear light, funny Bill Bryson book on the train home and Mrs D called to say that she'd done the stables and made the feeds up.

So I get off the train in a good mood to find I have a flat tyre. Boo.

Oh well, minor setback. I rummage around in the boot, dig out the spare and the as-yet unused wheel jack and do the necessary nut removal duties. Now normally at this point the wheel comes off. Not on my car it doesn't. I yank and pull and arse around with it for a while but can't get it off. Oh well, better admit defeat and call the AA.

Ring Ring - You are in a queue and will be answered shorty.

Ring Ring - You are in out highest priority queue and we will get to you very soon

Ring Ring - Honest, we are going to get to you very soon.

Ring Ring - Er... maybe you could gather some wood and light a fire, you're going to need to keep warm as we're not actually going to answer the phone for ages.

Fifteen fucking minutes I'm waiting, only for some giggling numpty to tell me that the earliest I can expect to see the little yellow van is in two hours. "I'll be there .... You've got a friend" go the adverts. Well it looks like you won't be here any time soon and you're certainly no friends of mine you useless pricks.

I am so fucking furious and cold at this point that I turn greener than normal, my shirt splits open (but not my trousers which is really uncomfy) and I grab the offending wheel, lean all my weight away from it, put the wings into beta pitch and flap really hard... and end up on my back in the car-park with the wheel from a Saab 9-3 on top of me.

Oh well... at least it worked. Spare goes on and then I start to drive home and put in a call to the AA on the handsfree. It'll take fifteen minutes to get home so I imagine that I'll finally get through when I'm pulling into the garage.

Ring Ri... hello this is Sharon speaking.

Fucking ace... through in about 10 seconds... now my happiness is complete.

Wonder if the RAC are any better