Arise, Honorary Dragon.

I wish it to be known that, by the powers vested in my green scaly tail, that Sir Salman Rushdie has today been granted the status of Honorary Dragon.

Sir Salman (do you run that name together, like Siralan?) in recognition of his dragony status, is granted the right to set fire to dipshits who richly deserve it and may I suggest that he join me in the immolation of Pakistan's religious affairs minister, Ejaz ul-Haq.

You see by me making Sirsalman a dragon I have inflamed muslim sensibilities and it would seem that the only response a muslim has to getting upset is to blow random motherfuckers up. Can't possibly be the bomber that's responsible, no; it was that nasty dhimmi dragon that provoked him by giving that man who said nasty things about the paedophile prophet¹ a pretty plaque to hang on his wall.

Well Mr Ul-Haq you're just going to have to get used to being upset because here's one little dragon who is just going to keep oining you and your tawdry, violent religion ("religion of peace" my arse). Maybe after we've granted gongs, knighthoods and the Sacred and Noble Order of the Wombat to every fucking apostate of Islam we can find you'll have all got yourselves worked up into such a tizzy that you'll forget what colour live and neutral are and blow yourselves up with the bomb you're making.

Weren't we looking for a new day for a bank holiday just recently? What was Crusader Richard the Lionheart's birthday?


¹ One of his wives, Aisha I believe, was 11 when married and 13 when Mo first did the deed. Where I come from a man who has sex with a 13 year old is called a paedophile. Case closed.


UPDATE: Apparently he's the son of the late General Zia Ul-Haq, former military dictator of Pakistan. Now (this is true) my uncle, Derek Draco, met General Zia several times in his capacity as an arms dealer (albeit one sponsored by the UK government) and so may well have met the young Ejaz.

Should have set fire to the little fucker whilst he had the chance.