What our Olympic Brand says to the world.

Fucking Hell.

I think what is is saying is "Ohhh shit... we've dropped it and it's broken!" which is appropriate as given the utter fucked-upness of this country it's what we're going to do to the Olympics as they crumble under us trying to be everything to every-fucking-body, deperate not to offend anyone, make sure everyone is included whether they want to be at not and not managing to finish any of the venues in time. We did it big-stylie with the dome, what on earth makes us think the Olympics are going to be different.

To be fair if there were medals for bullshit Sebastian Cow would be in the running for a podium finish.

"It will define the venues we build and the Games we hold and act as a reminder of our promise to use the Olympic spirit to inspire everyone and reach out to young people around the world.

"We will host a Games where everyone is invited to join in because they are inspired by the Games to either take part in the many sports, cultural, educational and community events leading up to 2012 or they will be inspired to achieve personal goals."

What the fuck are you smoking Seb? It looks like a broken fucking floor tile! How in the name of Jesus Christ on a pogo stick is that going to inspire anyone to take part in sport. Yep as soon as I saw that abortion the first thing I wanted to do was strap on a pair of Reebocks I can tell you. Dear gods the pond-spawn they have on "The Apprentice" could come up with something more imaginative.

"It's not a logo, it's a brand that will take us forward for the next five years," he told BBC Five Live.

It's a fucking logo you moron. A logo, a design or icon representing an entity, from the Greek logos meaning "word". It also doesn't seem to have wheels or a motive power source so how is it going to take you anywhere?

"It won't be to be eveybody's taste immediately

You're fucking right there, sunshine.

but it's a brand that we genuinely believe can be a hard working brand which builds on pretty much everything we said in Singapore about reaching out and engaging young people, which is where our challenge is over the next five years. "If we don't that, then frankly the whole project is unsustainable."

No, your challenge is to make sure that there is water in the pool and sand in the long-jump pit come 2012 and that the athletes are not all living in fucking tents in Hyde Park. Quite frankly the "yoof"'s interest in sport pretty much begins and ends with who Wayne Rooney has shagged this week and making a logo looking like a bit of street graffiti isn't going to change that.

For the first time the same logo will be used for both the Olympic and Paralympic Games.

That's appropriate, because it looks like it was designed by a spaz differently able person.

Prime Minister Tony Blair said:

Oh Jesus now I am going to throw up.

"We want London 2012 not just to be about elite sporting success.

No you wanker, that is just what we want it to be about, it's a fucking sporting event where the best in the world compete.

"When people see the new brand, we want them to be inspired to make a positive change in their life.

Is wanting to set fire to everyone in the advertising agency and UK Olympic committee a positive change because that's all it has inspired me to do.

"London 2012 will be a great sporting summer but will also allow Britain to showcase itself to the world."

Oh god, I was afraid about that. We are going to look so fucking stupid in 5 years.

Last word has to go to everyone's favourite newt-molester, Ken Livingstone.

"The new Olympic brand draws on what London has become - the world's most forward-looking and international city.

No, it draws upon what London and indeed England has become. A tawdry, third rate country where spin is valued above substance, where celebrity is worshipped above people who actually achieve anything, where we've so lost our sense of national identity in the blender of multi-cultural-all-inclusive-moral-relative-diversity bullshit that, so desperate aree we to come up with something that doesn't offend anyone we've managed to produce something that says nothing and offends everyone by being so utterly, irredeemably shit.

I despair, truly I do.