Gumpy Dragon Reviews

OK so you get a letter that looks like this...

Dear Mr Dragon

Thank you for your recent telephone reservation. We have pleasure in confirming your booking commencing on the 24 November 2006 until after breakfast on the 26 November 2006.

We have reserved for you a Junior Suite with en-suite facilities, which will be at our Bed & Breakfast room rate of £130.00 per night.

We have also reserved for you a table for 2 in our Restaurant at 8.30pm on each night of your stay.

We look forward to welcoming you to The Crown Hotel and hope your stay will be most enjoyable.

Now I don't know about you but I've stayed in far too many hotels in my time and in hotelspeak "Suite" means "seperate bedroom and sitting room". Not at the Crown in Wells Next The Sea it doesn't, it means "bedroom with a little room next door with a single and a bunk bed crammed into it. Normally one calls this a "family room". Strike one.

Things though improve with a very nicely kept pint of Woodfordes Wherry and the restaurant was quite exemplary. Worth a visit for the food... so long as you can get a table.

Which on the next night, we couldn't. I noticed this as I sauntered up to the bar at seven when I caught a look at the reservations list and no little green dragon upon it. Much muttering by the bar staff who dissapeard to "sort things out"... bit later the owner trundles out with lots of apologies and had wringing explaining someone had "forgotten" to put us on the list. Now I know us brits have a reputation for not making a fuss but being of the green scaly fire-breathing persuasion I am not one of them. I pointed out that if I wanted a bar meal, I would have ordered one, if I wanted to sit in the bar and have the restaurant menu, I would have asked for that and a table had better be forthcoming toute suite (which would be more than your suites are). Me and Mrs Dragon are assured that they had an early arrival, they should be through by eight thirty and would we like a complimentary bottle of wine.

It got to nine and the bottle of wine was drunk... still no table. Now I may be a grumpy dragon but Mrs Dragon, although very sweet and nice most of the time - gives rides to little children, flies up trees to rescue stranded pussy-cats, that sort of thing - can make me look all pink and fluffy when it comes to grumpyness. She absolutley tore a strip of the owner, at just the right volume level that people could hear but not shouty-toys-out-of-the-pram level - just right so that people could know the hotel had cocked up but without spoiling their evenings. The owner, who wasn't very tall, seemed to shrink a couple more feet. I almost felt sorry for her, well, almost, but she'd rather taken the shine off what was for me and mrs D a very rare chance to get away for a weekend and in my book that's unforgiveable - for you this is just another day at the office, for me it's something special and you and your staff just arsed it up.

Anyway, around 9.30 we did finally get to eat and the food was again very good (but a bit rushed and we did have to have another little grumble about the attitude of a certain "waiter" (read "arsehole in 'surfer dude' beads who moves plate from kitchen to dining room" - which isn't really a waiter in my book).

We got dinner for free, but then again I would have expected nothing less.

The Crown Hotel Wells - OK as far as it goes but the details let you down. Double check your reservations before you travel.

Firey Dragon Rating - lukewarm: