Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside.

As I was hatched in Blackpool (well, Blackpool's posher neighbour St Annes On Sea but let's not split hairs) I have been sort of following this business with the casino that's been in the news for the past couple of years. And yesterday my former nesting site lost out on it's chance to build a temple to mammon.

So am I upset? Angry that my former hometown lost out on it's chance for regeneration?

Like hell!

Blackpool is a complete, utter, irredeemable shithole. If you've never been and you're in the NorthWest do yourself a favour and have a look around and I promise you'll never be rude about another seaside town again. It's dingy, seedy, and grim beyond the dreams of Sauron. I mean it makes places like Margate look like Cannes. Want to know why Blackpool didn't make the final cut? THis bit of reportage from the beeb might give you a clue.


The only seafront shop open amid the fading placards and boarded buildings was novelty shop Scottie's Got It. Outside the store, which has stock ranging from sticks of rock to fancy dress, was an orange neon sign with a handwritten advertisement - "We sell fags".


Yep, that's a real choice location for a major investment project. People are really going to want to go there. "Well Ethel we've had a go on these fancy slot machines and played a bit of roulette, what shall we do now. How about we wander up and down a freezing sea-front, watch a few coloured lights swaying in the howling gale, try and avoid the massed drunken stag parties of utter low lifes who are too cash-strapped to get themselves to Prague on SleazyJet and then take a stroll past a load of boarded up shops and buy some fags?"

At least Manchester has been trying to sort out it's problems and regenerate itself; I'm told the canal area is really quite nice now. Blackpool just sat there, going ever more downmarket with the aforementioned stag and hen parties catering to the real bottom of the barrel clientele and hoping for the casino... that's now not coming.

Oh and there's already a casino there, well in St Annes anyway, but it's a proper one where you have to wear a tie.

As for Blackpool, the kindest thing to do would be to tow it out into the North Sea and sink it.

No comments: