Drips

Blimey, bit wet isn't it. Well that's certainly what the people of places like Tewkesbury thing as they've been flooded out. You must have been marrying your livestock, engaging in rampant botty sex or spending money on flat-screen TVs or something else that upset God you naughty people.

Alternately you could have a word with our new minister for the environment Mr Hilary Benn. Now until recently Mr Benn, when not hanging about in fancy dress shops and having adventures, was minister in charge of overseas development, you know the people who spend your tax money on "helping little brown babies" (in reality, enriching third world dictators); in 2005 they did that to the tune of 0.4% of UK GDP, a sum of $5,920,000,000, around £3.7 billion at the exchange rates of the time.

You might want to ask why that money was not spent on protecting the people of this country, you know the ones who gave the money in the first place, from flooding.

You might want to address the same question to Tory leader David Cameron at the same time. You will need to wait a while because at the moment he's in Rwanda promising to increase foreign aid to 0.7% of GDP.

The cunt.