Jumping on the "offended" bandwagon

I really never thought I'd see this day. I was a practising Pagan¹ for a good number of years and though that's no longer the case I did meet, chat and occasionally sleep with some very intelligent and level headed people who were happy to get up at three in the morning to watch the sun come up in a field.

So as every other fuckwit with a holy book and an inferiority complex leapt on the "This is an offence to my religion, stop what you're doing at once" bandwagon the Muslims started rolling along I at least thought that the folks in the Pagan community would remain aloof from all this and get on with the serious business of casting the quarters, doing handfastings for people and their pets, and getting bladdered in the service of the Goddess.

But no, the Pagans have turned into yet another bunch of whiny, "offended" tosspots and have protested that a couple of F-list celebrities with all the talent, presence and loveability of a dickcheese sandwich have arsed around on a "sacred pagan site", namely the Long Man of Wilmington.

I'm not surprised to see Arthur Pendragon involved in this as he's a complete self-publicity whore and loves nothing better than getting his sword out when there's a journalist in the vicinity (I think he's making up for having a small dick or something). Once I was on the same bill as him, both of us giving a talk at, of all things, a Pagan/Christian interfaith gathering and all he did was whitter on about his little "warband" of warrior druids and bored everyone to sleep. I did meet his warband a little later, all four of them, and all they seemed up to fighting was their way to the bar for more ale.

The best bit though is this

We, the Pagans, would not in our wildest dreams consider putting female breasts and clothing on effigies of any of the Holy Prophets, be it Jesus Christ, Buddha or any other revered figure of another faith.

These clueless wastes of DNA haven't even got the wits to work out that the Wilmington figure is only about 300 years old and therefore about as sacred as the short-term carpark at Heathrow Terminal Three. Last I looked Pagans didn't have any set representations of the male divine either so are we going to get Arthur and his jolly boys wandering over and getting rat-arsed every time someone takes a pot-shot at a stag or cuts a tree down? Didn't see you guys getting all pissy when those pro-hunt protesters defaced the White Horse of Uffington either so I can only assume that you're just doing this because the telly people might turn up.

Hell's teeth if I hadn't left paganism by now this would be making me pack my chalice and athame and looking for the next bus out of town.

I notice that Leah's folk don't do this... but I reckon they are keeping their powder dry for the first time that some comedian makes a knob gag about an icon.







¹ I had to practice very hard at it as a little voice kept saying "You know, this is just as much horseshit as all the other religions" and in the end I just went "Ah, fuck it, you're right" and cracked open a beer.