According to Bishop of Carlisle, the current flooding some parts of the UK are experiencing is all down to the amazing power of botty sex. Yes, God is pissed at us for passing a law last year which basically says "Treat people equally under the law regardless of what sex they make the two-backed beast with" and The Almighty lets loose a flood of not quite biblical proportions...
In Doncaster for fucks sake!
Last time I was in Doncaster it was full of decidedly heterosexual Yorkshiremen and certainly not a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah, well no more than any other northern industrial town. So I can safely conclude that either Jehovah meant to hit the Canal Street area of Manchester and his aim went low and right, in which case he sounds an ideal candidate to replace Flintoff in the England bowling line-up, or maybe, just maybe, this is a natural phenomenon caused by a lot of unseasonal rainfall exacerbated by silly buggers building houses on flood plains.
The bish has got some choice quotes:
The bishop, who is a leading evangelical, said that people should heed the stories of the Bible, which described the downfall of the Roman empire as a result of its immorality.
Conveniently ignoring the fact that Rome at the height of its powers worshipped Pagan gods, drank and ate itself stupid, staged fights to the death for entertainment and a statue like this one was regarded as being in exquisite taste and at the time the empire finally crumbled and the Visigoths strolled off with the loot it was Christian.
"In the Bible, institutional power is referred to as 'the beast', which sets itself up to control people and their morals.
Er... pretty much like the church did for about 1800 years then.
Our government has been playing the role of God in saying that people are free to act as they want," he said, adding that the introduction of recent pro-gay laws highlighted its determination to undermine marriage.
Disregarding the fact that our present government seems to be keen to pass as many laws as possible to specifically stop people being free at all we're back at the amazing power of bottysex again! Let the gays get wed and suddenly those promises that you and the Mrs made all those years back are suddenly null and void so you might as well just get a divorce and get the years of bitter argument over child custody under way right now.
"The sexual orientation regulations [which give greater rights to gays] are part of a general scene of permissiveness. We are in a situation where we are liable for God's judgment.
So how come God can't just judge those he doesn't like and leave the good citizens of Doncaster who, lets face it, didn't have a whole heap of input into the formulation of the Civil Partnerships Act, alone. I dunno, hit Battersea Park with a tidal wave on gay pride march day or something?
He expressed his sympathy for those who have been hit by the weather, but said that the problem with "environmental judgment is that it is indiscriminate".
Hang on a minute here? What's with the environmental judgement thing. God, being omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent can (with allowances for human free will depending upon your theological position on predeterminism) do anything he damn well pleases so surely whistling up a flood the trashes the naughty and spares the innocent is a walk in the park? Either that or he just unleashes the environment to do what it wants - doesn't sound like a very loving act to me?
The West is also being punished for the way that it has exploited poorer nations in its pursuit of economic gain. "It has set up dominant economic structures that are built on greed and that keep other nations in a situation of dependence. The principle of God's judgment on nations that have exploited other nations is all there in the Bible," he said.
So was the Boxing Day tsunami the poor nations of the East being punished; look at all those dead fuckers, he must really be ticked off at them. And what are they being punished for, giving western tourists poor service at the poolside bar? And how come all these poor countries get hit with natural disasters all the time? In the UK last year the number of fatalities from flooding was about three, in Bangladesh it was in the thousands.
On the same subject we last had a major flood with loss of life in 1953, around 300 people died. No global warming then and I really can't think that God was upset about the government passing the Agriculture (Ploughing Grants) Act in 1952 (mind you the old Witchcraft act was repealed in 1951 so maybe it was that and God just had a lot on in the early 50's)
Somebody desperately needs to give Bishop Dow a few whacks round the head with his crozier, might jump-start his brain if we're lucky.
At least there was one minor note of sanity...
The Rt Rev Richard Chartres, Bishop of London, said: "We are all part of the problem and part of the solution. Instead of living as if we owned the earth we need to recover a sense of being participants in a web of life with responsibilities to other life forms and to our children."
Well yes... except that it was your lot who told us for years that the we humans were touched by god and above all that natural world stuff which was ours to do with as we pleased and the pagans who kept saying we had to respect the natural world. Nice to see at least some of you are coming round; about 18 centuries late but at least you're getting there.
No comments:
Post a Comment