When I want your advice I'll ask for it

Oh what fun. Just when you thought we actually had got rid of the NuLabour nanny state do as I say bollocks up pop BlueLabour with a tick-the-box-your-government-knows-best bullshit scheme where all NHS staff have to lecture you to promote "Good Health"  every time you have the misfortune to come into contact with you.

Now we all know this is going to be a box ticking exercise like the last lots' "Quality of Outcomes" shit. As an example of what will happen here I give you Mrs Dracunculus. She was at the doctors today, routine visit for a long standing complaint just to review, make sure its not getting worse, check the ongoing medication and tweak as necessary. Now she gets five minutes of the doctors time in which he has to do this and she informs me that five minutes was fully used. But in the future three of those five minutes is taken up with a stern lecture from Dr Mopp about how the glass of Sauvignon she likes of an evening will make her sodding tail fall off so what's he going to miss about the actual problem he was being consulted with in the first place?

What we have here is the underlying problem of the NHS. It was set up with the noblest of motives; free at the point of use so all citizens would be able to have their serious medical needs attended to and we would be free of the spectre of people dying for want of seeing a doctor. But since its founding its grown to way, way more than that simple basic service, and we're all partly guilty of making it suck. Over the generations we've demanded more, more, more from the NHS. We want every sniffle and cold treated, every illness given immediate and the best treatment, the treatment of ridiculous conditions (you can get a sex change on the NHS for fuck's sake) and the system simply can't cope. Accordingly the government step in to lecture, harangue and bully us into whatever bullshit they can come up with to try and keep us "healthy" and out of the doctor's surgery. We allowed the NHS to change from a backstop into a state monolith that seeks to control our "healthy choices" because they feel they have to just to stop the whole edifice collapsing in a mountain of debt and unpaid bills.

I'm quite aware that the Cuban Habaneros and that bottle of Malbec aren't good for me thanks. It's my choice and when I want your health advice I will ask for it. Oh, and I have BUPA so, state, kindly sod off.

Hakuna Matata, Joka

OK so I get the "we're going to put all your medical records on a big central computer" letter through the post and buried away at the bottom is the "How to opt out" link, so not wanting Big Brother to have the information about my wierd knee problem when aged 12 at their fingertips I go online and download the form. Of course said form is two pages of "No really, don't opt out, it's perfectly safe from hackers (yeah, right) and the government doesn't have access (yeah, double right)" but it gets filled in and I'll get Mrs Dracunculus to drop the forms in at the GPs surgery when she next goes up for her collection of pills and potions.

Then I see you can get the form in Turkish, Urdu, Arabic and another 20 languages including this one...



Guessed what it is yet? No? OK it's Kiswahil. I kid you not. My fucking taxes are going to have this fucking jolly form plus go knows what else translated into the fucking language they used in "Daktari".

Jesus sodding Christ on a pogo-stick. There's no fucking wonder that Calais is stuffed full of people trying to paddle across the channel on li-lo. Don't worry, you don't have to have contributed a single cunting penny boys, we'll treat whatever you have and here's a bunch of stuff in your own language so you don't need to even trouble yourself learning ours.

And the icing on the cake... take a look who gave the form a seal of approval:



The Plain English Campaign... I swear you could not make this stuff up.

Call for a waaaahmbulance

Oh no! Someone infringed the human rights of a mong! Call for the waaahmbulance!

OK so let's look at this shall we...

"Her family say the hospital staff found it hard to look after Emma, who could display challenging behaviour and struggle to express how she felt"

"Challenging behaviour" is one of those nice PC phrases that actually translates as "hideously violent and will lash out at any living being that comes within 10 metres" and she "struggles to express how she felt" because she has the mental capacity and reasoning ability somewhat below that of a rabid rat on PCP.

But doctors decided not to treat her, saying she would not co-operate with her treatment, and she was sent home.

So she could not consent to treatment so they could do nothing. I'll bet if they did do painful, invasive treatment (which cancer treatments are) the parents would have had some smartarse lawyer in and suing anyway for violating her human right to comfyness.

"Nobody talked to her about her care, although we tried to advise them what she needed." She added: "I know cancer treatment is expensive, and I feel like Emma wasn't seen as an investment."

Er... no-one talked to her because when they did they got (a)hit, (b)screamed at, (c) a reply that sounded like "Ahhh weeehhh guuur blleeeh" or all 3. And damned right she's not an investment. Look like it or not health care in this country is fucked, it doesn't work and the only way it even vaguely works is for it to be quietly and unofficially rationed. So doctors, faced with some 80 year old bloke with cancer and 20 year old bloke with cancer and one set of expensive chemo drugs are going to have to make some choices and it's hardly one that needs much thinking about. Same with your mong; no she's not an investment, she's a cost who will never contribute anything apart from breathing out carbon dioxide. Sorry to be harsh love but that's just the way it is. Personally if I had been one of God's 4.30pm on a Friday afternoon creations then I would have just liked to have been left at the side of the nest to die as I don't care what anyone from the disability rights industry (and it is an industry... keeps them all in jobs and comfy offices) says people who are this mentally fucked up not only have no quality of life they have a negative impact on the quality of life of those around them.

And finally of course we have the icing on the cake. The parents are going to sue for a large wedge of cash. Now you would think that, having seen the "failings" of the NHS caused by lack of money and manpower all up close and personal that they would realise that taking a couple of million out of it to line their own pockets will mean that treatment for future mongs will get even worse; but noooo... just keep thinking about that cruise and the conservatory, there's a good pair of parasites. Mind you now we'll have "you must treat mongs at all costs" directives which means that the rest of us suffer just to keep some drooling basket case going for another six months.

Well maybe not me... I've got BUPA

Open wide and say "Allaaaaah"

I swear that they must say this sort of shit purely to wind up the kuffirs

The NHS should provide more faith-based care for Muslims, an expert says.

Muslims are about twice as likely to report poor health and disability than the general population, says Edinburgh University's Professor Aziz Sheikh.

Writing in the British Medical Journal, he called for male circumcision on the NHS and more details over alcohol derived drugs.

Look, just fuck off and die will you. Please explain to me why the bloody hell a single penny piece of my tax money should go to fund your idiotic, venial, child abusing rituals and dietary foibles. You work in the industry Mr Aziz Raghead - you know the state of our NHS or you should. My mum got carted from pillar to post because there wasn't any money to treat her condition within 100 miles of where she lived and died as a result, I ended up paying privately for Mrs Dracunculus' treatment for a very painful condition a couple of years ago because it was either that or wait for three months before she could even see a consultant let alone get any sort of treatment started and yet we should be catering to your particular evil version of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism?

OK so we have to give you prayer rooms at your GPs surgery, fund unnecessary elective surgery on your poor bloody offspring, pay for alternative treatments because at some point the drug you're prescribed might have been in contact with alcohol (hint for yo' ass man, I have never been in a lab where alcohol wasn't widely used so It's a fair bet that they all have!). So what do we cut to pay for this - remember you haven't got that caliphate you're after so you cannot put your jizya tax on the dhimmis just yet. Do we put old Mrs Miggins' hip operation back a few months, cut back the A&E department (so long as it's not in a muslim area)?

Also I wonder if you would be supportive of, say, Pagans demanding that GPs' surgeries offer healing rituals on the NHS and that every surgery must employ one full time Wiccan priestess to minister to the needs of the Pagan community? Or that it be obligatory for ambulance crews to leave orthodox jews at the side of the road following a road accident if it happens on the sabbath (actually you'd probably be supportive of that last one!)

Look you dickwad, you and all your co-religionists are human, same as me¹. Penicillin works the same on you as me. If the service offered by a GP is good enough for me then it's fucking good enough for you and we should not, no MUST NOT pander to your or anyone else's religion.

By all means follow your evil little antediluvian religion in the privacy of your own home but do not for a nanosecond presume that everyone else has to pander to its diktats. Now crawl back under your rock before you discover just quite how al-harb the dar al-harb can be.


¹ Acually given the fact that I'm really a dragon and just happen to be disguised as a human this is a pretty poor analogy. However penicillin does work on dragons, we take if for strep throat all the time.