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Showing posts with label china. Show all posts
Showing posts with label china. Show all posts
Friday, March 05, 2010
Chung Kuo
Whee... Dragon is off to Hong Kong again in a fortnight courtesy of my employer who is stumping up for a nice business class seat on Cathay Pacific and a room at some swanky down town hotel. Better dig out my copy of Cantonese for Dragons I guess. For those of you who remember the last trip I will this time (a) be blogging more as the room comes with as much 10Mb broadband as you can eat and (b) not frequenting the "Neptune II" bar in Wanchai.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Yawn, scratch, scratch, scratch
Look, dragons tend to go to sleep for a long time OK. I was rather hoping to stay in the land of nod until that fuck ugly twat Brown had been kicked into touch but tempted out of my cave by large quantities of turkey and stuffing I see that him and his gurning pack of fucktrumpets are still in business screwing over the country.
Sooo what's been happening. Global warming revealed as bollocks, yes saw that, lots of people going to the land of Carlsberg and Bodil Joensen (all the good porn shops are behind the station on the Istegade guys, but I expect your researchers told you that) - bet none of you cycled there did you?
Nigerian trying to blow up a plane... well I suppose that if you're too thick to make money doing 419 scams international terrorism might seem to be a reasonable career option. Seems like he was as bad a terrorist and bomb maker as he probably was a scammer "Wetin dey broda, mugu like you have no level!"
And the chinkies have killed someone for drug smuggling. Excellent! In deference to the sensibilities of the bleeding hearts in the west they didn't rip out his organs first to sell to the highest bidder on Ebay and they are letting some raghead preacher chuck him in a hole but, and all credit to them, they did say "Our house, our rules, fuck you" when Batshit Milliband went all "we condemn this is the strongest possible terms." Now I hold no brief for China or it's leadership, in fact I think China's leadership sucks like a very sucky thing and the Chinese people have some very odd notions when it comes to medicine but having been there the notices at the airports are very large and very clearly say "If you smuggle drugs we will execute you" and quite frankly the fact that you're loony tunes cuts no ice with me or the Chinese justice system. I know people with bipolar disorder (back in the day we called it manic depression), in fact one of my best mates has it - sure he's not entirely well and he's a little bit scary to be around when he's in one of his manic phases but generally the drugs keep him on an reasonably even keel and he holds down a responsible job and an active personal life with no real issues. So maybe dead drug smuggler was "Non compliant with his medication" as Mrs Dracunculus would have put it when she was dealing with loonies for a living. Well if that's the case he should have been in a hospital or institution... ah we shut all those down didn't we, right.
So Batshit, before banging on to a very important trading partner who also happens to have one of the largest standing armies in the world not to mention something of an inferiority complex about how naughty they are for stringing this guy up (bet they made his family pay for the rope too... now that's a justice system I would like to see here!) maybe you should look and see just exactly what lead him to China and why wasn't he doped up and singing his rabbit song on a "special" ward somewhere.
Mind you given that the fact he wrote said rabbit song maybe the Chinese have done us all a favour in bumping him off. Go and listen... it's truly, er, unique.
Sooo what's been happening. Global warming revealed as bollocks, yes saw that, lots of people going to the land of Carlsberg and Bodil Joensen (all the good porn shops are behind the station on the Istegade guys, but I expect your researchers told you that) - bet none of you cycled there did you?
Nigerian trying to blow up a plane... well I suppose that if you're too thick to make money doing 419 scams international terrorism might seem to be a reasonable career option. Seems like he was as bad a terrorist and bomb maker as he probably was a scammer "Wetin dey broda, mugu like you have no level!"
And the chinkies have killed someone for drug smuggling. Excellent! In deference to the sensibilities of the bleeding hearts in the west they didn't rip out his organs first to sell to the highest bidder on Ebay and they are letting some raghead preacher chuck him in a hole but, and all credit to them, they did say "Our house, our rules, fuck you" when Batshit Milliband went all "we condemn this is the strongest possible terms." Now I hold no brief for China or it's leadership, in fact I think China's leadership sucks like a very sucky thing and the Chinese people have some very odd notions when it comes to medicine but having been there the notices at the airports are very large and very clearly say "If you smuggle drugs we will execute you" and quite frankly the fact that you're loony tunes cuts no ice with me or the Chinese justice system. I know people with bipolar disorder (back in the day we called it manic depression), in fact one of my best mates has it - sure he's not entirely well and he's a little bit scary to be around when he's in one of his manic phases but generally the drugs keep him on an reasonably even keel and he holds down a responsible job and an active personal life with no real issues. So maybe dead drug smuggler was "Non compliant with his medication" as Mrs Dracunculus would have put it when she was dealing with loonies for a living. Well if that's the case he should have been in a hospital or institution... ah we shut all those down didn't we, right.
So Batshit, before banging on to a very important trading partner who also happens to have one of the largest standing armies in the world not to mention something of an inferiority complex about how naughty they are for stringing this guy up (bet they made his family pay for the rope too... now that's a justice system I would like to see here!) maybe you should look and see just exactly what lead him to China and why wasn't he doped up and singing his rabbit song on a "special" ward somewhere.
Mind you given that the fact he wrote said rabbit song maybe the Chinese have done us all a favour in bumping him off. Go and listen... it's truly, er, unique.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Cantonese for Dragons.
Well it's definite. I'm off to China next week, well Hong Kong to be precise. Got the official go-ahead today and booked the flights, hotels, airport transfers and special socks to stop you getting DVT. I even picked up this handy book at the local branch of Waterstones:
Neat huh! Here are a few choice entries that I'm sure will come in handy.
No, I really am a dragon. It's a very bad passport photo.
不, 真正地我上午龙。这是一张非常坏护照相片。
My hotel room had bad Feng Shui so I set fire to the bed.
我的旅馆客房有坏水因此我放了火对床。
I can torch you together or one at a time, up to you.
我能一起烧成灰您或一次一个, 由您决定。
Point that lance at me once more and you'll be extracting it from your colon.
指向, 长矛在我更加和您从您的冒号提取它
Can I have something to eat that is recognisable as food in the western hemisphere?
我可以需要某事吃是可认识的作为食物在西半球?
Sausages! I demand sausages!
香肠! 我要求香肠!
Oh OK, some dim-sum and a bottle of Kirin then.
噢赞成、某一昏暗总和和一个瓶啤酒然后。
Travel is all business class, five star hotels and limo transfers of course; your scaly green friend does not rough it when someone else is picking up the tab. Just for shits and giggles I went to have a look what my carbon footprint was for the trip. 2.16tonnes of CO2 apparently.
If I leave the courtesy reading light on do you think I could add a few grams to that?
As they say in China "什么是全球性变暖?" 1
1 That's supposed to say "What's global warming?" but altavista thinks it says "What is the global change in sexuality is warm?" Well it makes about as much sense as carbon offsetting!
Neat huh! Here are a few choice entries that I'm sure will come in handy.
No, I really am a dragon. It's a very bad passport photo.
不, 真正地我上午龙。这是一张非常坏护照相片。
My hotel room had bad Feng Shui so I set fire to the bed.
我的旅馆客房有坏水因此我放了火对床。
I can torch you together or one at a time, up to you.
我能一起烧成灰您或一次一个, 由您决定。
Point that lance at me once more and you'll be extracting it from your colon.
指向, 长矛在我更加和您从您的冒号提取它
Can I have something to eat that is recognisable as food in the western hemisphere?
我可以需要某事吃是可认识的作为食物在西半球?
Sausages! I demand sausages!
香肠! 我要求香肠!
Oh OK, some dim-sum and a bottle of Kirin then.
噢赞成、某一昏暗总和和一个瓶啤酒然后。
Travel is all business class, five star hotels and limo transfers of course; your scaly green friend does not rough it when someone else is picking up the tab. Just for shits and giggles I went to have a look what my carbon footprint was for the trip. 2.16tonnes of CO2 apparently.
If I leave the courtesy reading light on do you think I could add a few grams to that?
As they say in China "什么是全球性变暖?" 1
1 That's supposed to say "What's global warming?" but altavista thinks it says "What is the global change in sexuality is warm?" Well it makes about as much sense as carbon offsetting!
Monday, June 04, 2007
Dear President Hu
Hello Mr President. Mr President? Oh there you are down there, sorry I was expecting someone taller.
Anyway this is an open letter from us in the Fens to you about climate change. We notice with alarm that you are going to put economic development over reducing greenhouse gases which as you know are leading to global warming, superbugs, rampant botty-sex and there never being anything decent on the TV of a saturday evening.
To us living in the Fens global warming is not merely a theory, it is a cold, hard fact that nobody is allowed to argue with at all. Most of this winter it was so wet that I couldn't get to the pub without a boat Your actions in China directly affect us here in Soggy Bottom. You may say that we in the fens are far away and very few, and you would be right, but that doesn't stop us moaning and whining about our special rights to be here as we have been here since the 17th century when this cloggie came over and...
...err...
... built a load of sea defences and clever drainage channels and sluices so that what was a huge fucking mass of shifting, flooded silty marsh became useful farmland and habitable villages where the sea didn't come in the front door every winter.
Hey, if we could do it with picks and shovels and a clever Dutch guy back then think what we could do now!
Hey Mr Hu, keep on keeping on. We'll keep going with the cheapie holidays too, we might even send some of our pissed up lager louts over to you, you're missing a trick there - you should rebrand Beijing as the must-go-to stag weekend destination.
Anyway this is an open letter from us in the Fens to you about climate change. We notice with alarm that you are going to put economic development over reducing greenhouse gases which as you know are leading to global warming, superbugs, rampant botty-sex and there never being anything decent on the TV of a saturday evening.
To us living in the Fens global warming is not merely a theory, it is a cold, hard fact that nobody is allowed to argue with at all. Most of this winter it was so wet that I couldn't get to the pub without a boat Your actions in China directly affect us here in Soggy Bottom. You may say that we in the fens are far away and very few, and you would be right, but that doesn't stop us moaning and whining about our special rights to be here as we have been here since the 17th century when this cloggie came over and...
...err...
... built a load of sea defences and clever drainage channels and sluices so that what was a huge fucking mass of shifting, flooded silty marsh became useful farmland and habitable villages where the sea didn't come in the front door every winter.
Hey, if we could do it with picks and shovels and a clever Dutch guy back then think what we could do now!
Hey Mr Hu, keep on keeping on. We'll keep going with the cheapie holidays too, we might even send some of our pissed up lager louts over to you, you're missing a trick there - you should rebrand Beijing as the must-go-to stag weekend destination.
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