Have a free tent

If you've been reading this blog for a while you know I refer to my employer as "Banko Di Haggis" (just to keep the HR police from finding it in the search engines) but it's pretty obvious who I'm talking about; the national pariah and politician's whipping boy bank.

And as it happens favourite target of those lovely Home Counties trustafarian protesters and on Monday, whilst our CEO caved in to political pressure from the left and 300 million quid got wiped off the value of the company we all own one crusty arsehole taking a break from his media studies and nail care degree pops up with a tent in front of the office.

Much to my amusement when I left for the day I noticed he (I assume it was a he, didn't want to get too close because of the smell) had a placard pinned to his tent reading "My tent for your bonus".

I should have gone up and walked off with his tent. Because my bonus this year is the same as last year, and the year before that, a big fat nothing. Zero. Zilch. Da Nada.

Oh and no pay rises either. Sure I've built a computer system that made a several million quid and helped save the department from the recent axe and has won industry awards as the best in its class but I don't even get a pat on the tail for being a good dragon. And I can tell you that for the vast majority in the building our crusty class warrior was squatting outside the same is true.

Sure I'm a little pissed, everyone wants more money right? But I get paid pretty handsomely for doing what I do so what the hell, I just won't bother going that extra mile any more (as if I ever did!) and if a better gig crops up I'll probably take it if for no other reason I really can't be arsed with the shoeing we keep getting from the political class and cockwallets like our "99%" friend camping out on the doorstep and tarring us all with the same brush.

And it won't be just me, anyone who can get a job elsewhere will slowly but surely slide away and that pisses me off more than ever because having stumped up the cash to bale out Banko Di Haggis* you would think the government would want it to succeed, turn a profit and pay back all that money rather than turn it into some unprofitable extension of the treasury staffed effectively by civil servants too talentless or idle to get a gig anywhere else.

But then why should the politicians care, it's not as though they put their hands in their own pockets for the bail out money.

They put them in your pockets.




* For the record I think it should have been allowed to fail, even though I'd have been out of work

And a new bunch of lefty cunts

Ah, a lovely morning, bright, cold and crisp. But what's that disgusting smell? Ah that would be the launch of another left wing hand wringing pseudo-charity, this one going by the name of "The Intergenerational Foundation" bleating on about "fairness" and "equality" by which of course they mean the usual Fabian bullying, fucking around with your life and, of course, taking your money.

This lot are coming for your house. You have worked hard all your life, brought up your children and have got yourself a nice house with three or four bedrooms; maybe like me you have a spare room for when relatives stay over and have converted one former bedroom into an office / study. Ah but now you are a " clinging to your home long after it has outlived its usefulness" citizen. You are hoarding resources that need to be "reallocated". It's all in the interests of "fairness" of course so just pack one small suitcase, that's your cattle truck over there grandad, kommen Sie bitte mit uns. Raus Opa! Raus!.

Of course they are using very soothing words at first; it's all about encouragement...

IF suggested encouraging older people to downsize by exempting over-60s from stamp duty when they sold to move to a smaller home

... but pretty much in the same breath as they wave a small carrot they go on to wield a fucking big stick...

The campaign group also urged the government to consider replacing council tax with "a proper land tax, to reflect the social cost of occupying housing, particularly housing that is larger than one's needs".

 
And it seems that founder Angus Hanton has previous, here's an interview he did with Pravda The BBC recently...

“Let’s take my own house [which] I bought 16 years ago for £160,000. It’s in south-east London. It’s now worth about £1.15m.”
“So I’ve gained a million pound windfall to which I do not feel entitled, and that windfall, at the moment, is tax-free. Were I to sell [the house], there’s no tax on that gain.”
“It may appear very lucky for me, but the reality is when I sell, it will probably be to a younger person who’ll be getting a mortgage and spending most of their working life paying off that windfall which went to me. I don’t think that’s fair.

Well if you don't feel entitled to it then maybe I suggest you sell up and donate the money to a soup kitchen or whatever charity assuages your disgusting middle class white male guilt. Don't for one fucking second presume to tell me what I can and can't do with my money you odious collectivist shit.

And just in case you think this bunch of twats are pissing in the wind ask yourself why this is the second story on the BBC's website this morning, the lead article on the Today programme and why the inaugural speakers at their launch are shadow minister Tessa Jowell, and Labour life peer Baroness Bryony Worthington?

Bastards the lot of them. 

Haunted by the ghost of Macpherson

So now we cower in fear of a bunch of 100 or so teenage hoodies smashing up the place and nicking phones and tellies.

Well we let it happen, you and I. Sure some black kid got stabbed by a bunch of white thugs and plod make a horlicks of the investigation and so along comes the Macpherson report and lo and behold the police are "institutionally racist" and for years afterwards it's diversity this and kid-gloves that, maybe it needed to happen but it went way, way too far. Then along comes NuLabour with a new law every 32 nanoseconds and anyone who so much as raises his voice at anyone doing wrong or breaching the peace is descended on like the proverbial ton of bricks and hauled away as the miscreant.

"The police will protect you," we were told, "do not get involved, call the police, that is what they are there for, they're trained you see and have been on the relevant diversity and health and safety courses and wear florescent jackets. You, citizen, are not qualified. And don't you even dare think of arming yourself to protect your life, family and property. Trust in us, the police will be there."

Only now we see that Faustian bargain was just that. The police aren't there, they're not going to help, they will not stand there and protect your property or your life. Sure they might trawl facebook when this is over and nick the few mouthbreathers who were stupid enough to put "this is me an' me mates looting PC World innit" photos online but that's scant comfort to the asian corner shop keeper who's seem his livelyhood taken from him by the feral youth that decades of softly-softly policing, lefty pandering to the feckless, celebrity above talent and hard work culture and, quite frankly, not one us feeling we are able to stand up to insolent and loutish behaviour has created.

The scumbags perpetrating these mass lootings don't just think they are immune, they know they are untouchable. There are no consequences, even if caught they'll jet some token community sentence and an ASBO badge of honour.

This has, I would posit, gone too far for any remedial tinkering by our spineless politicians. If we want our communities back we will have to fight for them. What you won't see in the mainstream media today is the reports of mainly Turkish shopkeepers arming themselves with baseball bats and banding together to protect their businesses. Of 400 mainly asian young men fighting off 100 or so mainly afro-carribean youths in East London who were set on looting and causing mayhem. You need the very tools the rioters themselves use to get these stories.

We do have an answer. It's quite an old one, dates back to 1791 and it goes like this:

A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

Knobend

So there we were, Rupert looking and sounding like they'd just dragged him out from the Budleigh Salterton Rest Home For The Terminally Bewildered and James coming across more slippery that a weasel smeared with KY Jelly¹ and then up springs some self-styled "anarchist" (styled by everyone else "a complete knobend") and tries to pie him. Up springs Wendy the Dragon Lady and lays down a claw/claw/breath weapon attack for 10d6 damage with a side helping of ninja-style quivering palm and next days headlines write themselves and the Murdochs slip off the hook.

It's almost so convenient you'd think this Johnny Marbles tosspot had been set up to do this by News International and he'll be getting a big fat jiffy bag stuffed with twenties when this is all over.

Johnny Marbles, It's probably pronounced "Mahr-Bahlls" or something. Stupid name, more stupid guy. as Twitterer @mattplats observed:

Johnny Marbles sounds like the name of the lead singer in an unsuccessful punk band that once nearly opened for Siouxsie and the Banshees.

Speaking of Siouxie I doubt you'd get to show this any more for fear of "Offending" the mussies.





¹ Bet that image got the furries who come here searching for httyd rule 34 hot under the collar.

Just a little prick, you won't feel a thing

I was going to blog last week about the story with the BBC getting an "exclusive" about the guy who supplies a prison in the USA with the drugs they use for executions; you probably saw that one, the company being some plate-on-a-wall job at a driving school in Acton and Vince "twat" Cable getting his knickers in a bunch and doing that standard "I'm a liberal but I'm going to ban this" act.

To be honest I was sat here on my green scaly tail going "what the fuck is the story here"? A pharmacy company has supplied legal drugs to an organisation that has the appropriate licences to hold and use them; OK it's a prison and they are going to use them to execute someone but that the laws they have there and presumably the people of Arizona voted for and continue to support the death penalty*

I mean if they ordered a load of nails, a coil of rope and a bunch of 2x4's from Jewsons and then used them to build a gallows instead of a neat tree-house for the governor's kids would Twathead Vince still be throwing his toys out of the pram and calling for the export of nails to be banned? And if we're getting all squeamish about exporting the "Tools of Death"** then how come Vincey-boy is quite happy for EADS, British Aerospace and every other manufacturer or military hardware to sell their wares on the open market? I suspect maybe because of the millions of pounds those sales and the subsequent taxes on company profits brings into the treasury every year - a quick and lazy Google shows between 2000 and 2004 (on Labour's watch) that we flogged £631 million worth of sundry death-dealing kit to Africa alone - well all those duck houses and diversity outreach counsellors don't buy themselves.

But in an interesting twist this weekend some nutjob with a gun decides that he really didn't like America coming off the gold standard and not having Roosevelt around any more decides to take his disagreement with fiscal policy out on the local governor and ends up killing a couple of random bystanders including a kid (who, unfortunately for him when it comes to trial, has a cute school photo). Now this happened in, well by a big coincidence, Arizona so I'll lay odds that this guy is a shoo-in for a death sentence. And I'll also bet that more than a few politicians on this side of the pond would be quite happy with that, seeing at he attacked one of them.

But someone got to supply the drugs guys?




* Just for the record I don't; not because some utter scumbags don't deserve it just that I'm uncomfortable with the state having powers to kill its citizens

** Good name for a comedy heavy metal band that

The day the wheels came off

Facepalm... because some thing are just too dumb for words



I haven't blogged about the election so far because, well, it's as dull as ditchwater and I'm sat here secretly hoping that they could all lose. However I did want to make a point about what's already become, rather predictably, labelled "Bigotgate". It's not that Gorgon called her "a bigot", it's what he said before that, specifically:

Well just… They should never have put me with that woman. Whose idea was that?

"That woman" was an honest old lady who had played by the rules all her life.

"That woman" worked hard in the caring professions, serving her community until her retirement.

"That woman" voted Labour because she believed they offered the best chance of progress for the working person.

And you, Gorgon, claim to lead the party of the working man? You hate the working man, in fact from your comments you seem to hate the electorate, that is the citizens of this country, full stop.

Well Gorgon, I hate you too. No really hate you with a deep, visceral hate; I merely didn't like Thatcher and her policies but you I hate.

Fuck off you evil, lying cunt. I hope you and your cronies and the once great party you lead get wiped of the political map next Thursday.¹

The oxygen of publicity

Oh look, we seem to have managed to return a couple of everyone's favourite cuddly fascists to the huge trough that it the EU Parliament (whose troughing by MEPs makes our MPs look like they are daintily nibbling on a lettuce leaf). They even managed to win a county council seat in Burnley West - well they were never going to win Burnley East as that's where all the folk from Pakistan live. Seig t' Heil as they say up there.

Accordingly all the lefties, media luvvies and especially mainstream politicos are doing lots of hand wringing and navel gazing and wondering what happened to Britain to make it turn into such an evil racist nation. Er guys, the BNP's share of the vote actually fell in real terms and people vote for them because they are addressing some legitimate concerns that some of the electorate have.

Look I grew up in Burnley and the people there are not on the whole racists and certainly not fascists but they see large numbers of immigrants from the Indian sub-continent settling in specific areas, turning then into de-facto ghettos, said immigrants generally not integrating and they genuinely feel their culture is being swamped and that it is these ghettos (which are naturally in the poorer parts of town) getting the lions' share of the funding (whether that's true or not - and if not then it's a failure on the point of the mainstream politicians to get this message across). The mainstream politicians, especially Labour in which should be a piss-easy seat for them to win, are ignoring these concerns leaving an open goal for the BNP to shoot at.

But are the left going to address these concerns from what should be their natural supporters? Are they fuck. No what is obviously needed is to, oh I dunno, let's throw some eggs at Nick Griffin, that'll work.

No, all that does is give him the oxygen of publicity, show you cuntrumpets up as the idiots you are and allow Nicky-boy to claim the moral high ground and further keep his gurning fizzog leering out at me from every sodding newspaper's front page in the pissing land.

Look, leave him to rant and rave, the press will get bored in a week and move on to Jordan's latest tit-job. But you need to reach out to your core vote or they'll just be back voting for "the wrong party" next time.

Fred to Darling: "Fuck You"

You know what, if I had managed to negotiate a future income of 25 grand a week, fine wines, country houses and as many girls as my tongue could cope with¹ from a government that could not find its arse with both hands and a map let alone navigate a path to future prosperity I would most certainly be going "Fuck you" when said government came back and said "er, that deal we negotiated, it's really become politically embarrassing so would you mind handing that seventeen million quid back"

Look as you know I work for Banco di Haggis I'm not really meant to comment but let's say that should Sir Fred ever cross my path he'd be getting both nostrils set to "crispy" and not just because he's a fucking knight but he made a great place to work into a laughing stock and every time we get summoned to a manager's pow-wow we're all sat there going "ooooh fuck... here it comes"... and don't get me started on the sodding ABN merger. That said though if the government, B de H's major (only?) shareholder makes such an epic FAIL then one really cannot blame Fred The Shite for taking the cash and running whilst no doubt grinning like a loon at his good fortune.

Mind you we now have to watch NuLab throw good money after bad as they will no doubt in their socialist spite start a court case to get the cash back. When they do I really hope that Fred opens up and spills the whole story of the backroom deals and political chicanery that went on "that weekend" and thus hammers yet another nine incher into the coffin of Gordon the Monocular Cunt.


¹ (c) Ben Elton, back when he was funny.

In case you thought a Tory government would be better

No they won't...
"Lad mags" encourage irresponsible behaviour among young men and promote a negative image of women, a leading Conservative has said.

Yep, nothing to do with irresponsible behaviour having no consequences, it's all down to some tits and bums in "Zoo". Fuckwit.

And speaking of zoos I guess this means that a new tory government won't be re-legalising my horse porn collection any time soon.

Usless Wankers

So our wonderful Government has presided over a country where there is a CCTV camera for ever 14 people (and one on the train watching me now - hope it got a good shot of me getting my knob out a second ago), where you can be locked up without charge for six weeks and where I have to have my two horses Sunshine and Pebble passported and microchipped on pain of prison (for me, probably the horses too) ...

But when they actually have one of the most dangerous men on the planet, Al Quibble's number 2 honcho no less, they can't keep the fucker in prison or send him somewhere who will do what we should be doing to the fucker and attaching his gonads to the national grid. And what is the response of our rulers to this? They are "dissapointed".

Fucking hell. Still Jackoff Smith, don't worry, you can't actually seem to get your act together to deal with the people who really pose a threat so I guess you're just going to have to press ahead with your plans to criminalise anyone who draws a stick figure of a 10 year old with a lob on; that'll make us all feel safer as the next raghead detonates himself on the 7.26 Luton to Kings Cross.

Abu - if you're reading this can you see if you can arrange for someone to drink a load of nitroglycerine, walk into the state opening of parliament and jump up and down. We'd all appreciate it, thanks.

She's Got David Davis Eyes

Well a small helping of Crow was served with my large bucket of milky froth with a coffee in the bottom of it as I have to admit that not every politician is a complete and utter foetid lump of dickcheese. That said if he was in some marginal constituency with a real chance of not jumping straight back on the the gravy train after his by-election I would have been more impressed but as it is at least he's actually partly put his bollocks on the chopping block for a cause he believes in.

Now if the rest of the Tory party would care to stand four-square behind him and back his stand rather than the rather pathetic dicking about displayed yesterday they might, just might, make me think for more than a couple of nanoseconds about voting for them but if you scratch not too deep you see that they are nearly as illiberal as the other lot. Conservative Home was all for 42 days and the only reason the Tories in the house were whipped through the "No" lobby was because they saw a chance to give Gordon a bloody nose, underneath they, like all big governments, are control freaks and historically the Tories will give ACPO anything they ask for.

Still, good luck to Davis, at least there is one member of the house who isn't a complete and utter tool.

I get my centaur after all

Yay! Another shoeing for the sky-pixie's followers yesterday in the commons where sense (and no doubt a government whip whispering things about "vote for centaurs or we will let slip the pictures of you and that mare trying to create one the old fashioned way) prevailed and human-animal hybrids got the go ahead.

What I find truly ugly though is the depths that the invisible fairy's friends will stoop to to impose their delusion on the rest of us. Let's take a look at some of the things that they said shall we...

Ex-minister Edward Leigh, who led the fight against the creation of hybrid "admixed" embryos, said they were "ethically wrong and almost certainly medically useless".

And you are qualified to make a descision about whether something is medically useless because? According to your Wikipedia page you're a member of the landed gentry, have a degree in History and qualified as a barrister. You are about as scientifically and medially qualified as a slice of toast so you can just shut right the fuck up.

He said there was "no evidence yet to substantiate" claims the work could lead to treatment for degenerative diseases like Parkinson's and Alzheimer's.

If there even the tiniest sliver of a chance that throwing babies in a blender would lead to treatment for these evil conditions then we should be supporting them. I suppose you've never come into contact with these diseases have you? I suppose you think that dribbling into your soup is God punishing you for original sin? Words are barely adequate to describe how I think of you, you utter waste of DNA.

But then he goes and says...

"In embryos, we do have the genetic make up of a complete human being and we could not and should not be spliced together with the animal kingdom."

I have a bit of bad news for you here, fucktard. You ARE a member of the animal kingdom, hard as it is to believe as you appear to display all the intellectual capacity of seaweed.

And ex-Labour minister Sir Gerald Kaufman, agreed, adding: "How far do you go? Where do you stop? What are the limits and what are the boundaries?

Ah, the "thin end of the wedge" argument, you know if someone trots this out their position is truly fucked. Well Gerald, you don't stop, you go full throttle. There's no grumpy old man with a beard there so the sole purpose of the exercise is to make life more bearable whilst we're here and getting rid of or at least mitigating the effects of disease is noble and honorable and we should persue it with all the energies and skills humankind (and dragonkind) can muster. You want to sit in a cave mumbling about how god-of-mountain-will-be-angry-rain-down-fire then off you go but kindly fuck the hell out of everyone else's chance to have a pain free old age where they can actually remember who their relatives are, you wankstain.

I also noticed this bit of reportage:

However, the majority of the Tory shadow cabinet, including shadow foreign secretary William Hague and shadow home secretary David Davis, backed the unsuccessful attempt to ban hybrids.

Same old Tories then. Time to scrawl "None of you fuckers" on the ballot paper I guess.

And in signing off I saw there was an extra win...

A separate attempt to ban "pure" hybrid embryos, that would mix a human egg with animal sperm or vice versa, was also defeated in the Commons by 286 votes to 223, a government majority of 63.

Now it's been a while since I did biology but how does that work, I thought that the chromasome counts didn't match up? Can anyone explain this to me and why we don't already have centaurs, satyrs and lots of half-man/half-sheep creatures wandering around Wales?

(And yes, getting a bit bored with baiting scammers now so I'm going to post more; anyway it's eurovision time which is always good for a post or four)

Licentia est autem memoria

I was on the dealing floor today and between being yelled at by the barely evolved barrowboys who inhabit these regions glanced over at one of the big screen TVs permanently tuned to a news channel. Some dipshit politico was burbling away and underneath the scrolling ticker said something about the latest government wheeze to bring us all together.

So what would that be. Insistence on new arrivals being tested on their ability to speak English and if they can't after six months booting them out? The public hanging, drawing and quatering of the the next smegmatic imam to as much as vaguely hint that imposing sharia in the UK would be good thing. Scrapping all faith schools and insisting children be educated in mixed environments and all wearing the same school uniform?

Nope, we're going to have a national motto.

Yep. That'll do the trick.

I would suggest that the motto of the Firkin chain of pubs might be appropriate: "Nunc ad mortem bibendum" - "Now let us drink ourselves to death"

However Gordon, if you're reading this you can have the title of this blog as my gift to you for your motto. I doubt a pigshit stupid politico like you can actually speak Latin, you probably think it's "papist" given where you're from anyway, so I will translate.

"Freedom is but a memory"

You'll need to get it translated into Arabic, Pashtun and Wolof yourself.

Of these, hope.

From The Indy I see that following on from the departure of our former closet catholic leader who god told to go forth and smite the saddam-ites our MP's are maybe, just maybe, trying to put all that theist nonsense behind them.

Top holiday reading for MPs includes Richard Dawkins "The God Delusion"

At fucking last. Maybe when they get back in the autumn we can look forward to a legislative programme based on logic, reason and a desire to increase the common weal of Man rather than a childish belief in some bearded bloke living in a cloud telling you what to do.

We can but hope.

Ils ont oublier le plot

Oh now this is getting silly, some bloody twat of an MP with obviously nothing to do on behalf of his constituents today has said that the Eurovision song contest voting system needs to be changed because it is "harmful to European relations".

No it isn't. Hitler annexing the Sudentenland was bad for European relations, the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand was bad for European relations. Montenegro giving Serbia douze points in some silly singing contest that no-one takes seriously is most decidedly not bad for European relations.

An utterly pathetic attempt by some fuckwit politico to jump on one of the weediest bandwagons going; remember we pay their salaries people!

Mind you, maybe next year we could send our Franz Ferdinand to Eurovision and with any luck they'll get assassinated by this year's winners.