Nicht mehr genügend Salz

Turning a bit chilly again isn't it, might even get some snow again. That means blocked roads, closed schools, stranded trains and the predictable "waaahhh... why are we so crap at bad weather when those European jonnies are so good at it" from the MSM.

Well as I pointed out in an earlier post, they aren't and I just got sent this report a friend of mine who works for a German media outlet posted.

http://www.wdr.de/themen/verkehr/a44_streusalz_sperrung.jhtml

Es gibt nicht mehr genügend Salz, um die Strecke eisfrei zu halten. roughly translates as "There is no longer enough salt to keep the route free of ice"

Bet the trains are still running on time though

Ecological travel fail

OK so next weekend I have a birthday party to go to in the wild and forbidding land of Lancashire, my brother in law's 65th as it happens which is in a pub somewhere so I get to stand around with a whole load of people I don't know trying to get bladdered on some godawful nitrokeg crap.

I thought that rather than driving up on Saturday morning I could maybe take the train from London after work and then back to my place behind the water-pipes in Norfolk sometime on Sunday. Turns out I can so long as I fancy six hours on a train and changing at Hebden Bridge, Leeds, Peterborough, Ely and frigging Narnia Parkway on the way home but for the privilege of this they want to charge me over 160 quid. And that's second class. And gods help you if you miss one of those connections because you'll be well and truly screwed.

According to google maps it's 199 miles door to door and takes three and a half hours. So even if I take the 2 litre 210 BHP Saab I'm looking at 60 quid in fuel - everything else is sunk cost as I've paid the tax, insurance, maintenance etc. by just having the car.

So 100 quid cheaper than the train, I go and come back when I want, it's quicker, is door to door and I don't have to take a chance on sitting next to some pissed-up Glaswegian on the journey up.

Bit of a no brainer don't you think. Sorry planet, you're fucked.

Dragons on a Plane

Ni Hao Gweilos

Well your scaly green friend has made it to the departures lounge at terminal 3 and is currently hiding in the business area of Cathay Pacific's business class lounge where we have free (and very fast) internet.

They also have beer (yum) and little chinese cracker things (more yum) and probably some more beer proper dutch brewed Heineken too; happy dragon!

All very nice and civilized. The only way to travel (when someone else is paying). This is my first biz class trip in absolutely ages and I'd quite forgotten how pleasant travel could be when you don't have to queue up with the lumpen proletariat to get your boarding card, have your own dedicated "Fast Track" bits through customs and security and a nice quiet room to wait for your flight in with Sky TV, free beer and hot and cold running flunkies.

Plane is on time too and I nabbed a left hand side window seat so with any luck I should see the Perseid meteor shower once it gets dark. On the subject, just so you don't think I've gone all soft, I did a quick Google on the perseids and the news item that came up was this piece of horseshit from Fox News. They could just not resist getting some ....ing Xtain angle in could they, tears of St Lawrence my arse. Gods I hate that news channel, wankers the lot of 'em.

I'll try and keep you all up to date on fun and games in the far east assuming that I'm not behind the "Great Firewall of China" and can keep off the TsingTao's long enough to post. Might even do you some piccies you lucky people.

Right... more beer.

Cantonese for Dragons.

Well it's definite. I'm off to China next week, well Hong Kong to be precise. Got the official go-ahead today and booked the flights, hotels, airport transfers and special socks to stop you getting DVT. I even picked up this handy book at the local branch of Waterstones:



Neat huh! Here are a few choice entries that I'm sure will come in handy.

No, I really am a dragon. It's a very bad passport photo.
不, 真正地我上午龙。这是一张非常坏护照相片。

My hotel room had bad Feng Shui so I set fire to the bed.
我的旅馆客房有坏水因此我放了火对床。

I can torch you together or one at a time, up to you.
我能一起烧成灰您或一次一个, 由您决定。

Point that lance at me once more and you'll be extracting it from your colon.
指向, 长矛在我更加和您从您的冒号提取它

Can I have something to eat that is recognisable as food in the western hemisphere?
我可以需要某事吃是可认识的作为食物在西半球?

Sausages! I demand sausages!
香肠! 我要求香肠!

Oh OK, some dim-sum and a bottle of Kirin then.
噢赞成、某一昏暗总和和一个瓶啤酒然后。


Travel is all business class, five star hotels and limo transfers of course; your scaly green friend does not rough it when someone else is picking up the tab. Just for shits and giggles I went to have a look what my carbon footprint was for the trip. 2.16tonnes of CO2 apparently.

If I leave the courtesy reading light on do you think I could add a few grams to that?

As they say in China "什么是全球性变暖?" <sup>1




1</sup> That's supposed to say "What's global warming?" but altavista thinks it says "What is the global change in sexuality is warm?" Well it makes about as much sense as carbon offsetting!

Dragons on a Boat (again)

The green scaly one is off to the land of clogs, Grolsch and ontbijtkoek again so this blog post comes to you right out of, er, well, the car park at Harwich Parkeston Quay as me and about 20 cars wait for them to load the boat up with all the freight. Only when that is complete is the lowly "self loading freight" allowed to drive on-board and find somewhere to park between all the empty flower trucks going back for more tulips (they have a rush on as its mothers day in a couple of weeks).

So, you may be wondering, how come I'm subjecting myself to a six hour sea crossing in the middle of the night rather than just hopping on a plane, after all if I'd have gone by plane I would probably be there by now.

Simple answer is that I have grown to loathe air travel. Don't get me wrong I love flying (what with being a dragon and all) and I have my PPL to prove it and have dome my share of air mile gathering. No, what I detest is passenger travel, honestly it's got all the charm and pleasure of getting a National Express coach these days. First of all you're treated like a terrorist from the moment you get into departures anything that might possibly be a weapon or explosive is confiscated - you watch and we'll all be expected to check in our clothes for those orange GITMO boiler-suits before long - you can't take more than a teeny bag on as hand luggage which forces you to wait for hours at the other end in baggage reclaim, you have to check in hours early and then hang around expensive tat emporia waiting for your flight and then you are crammed into a metal tube with several screeching, wailing, snot ridden monsters from hell (and their children) for the next two hours, assuming you're not delayed which you always will be so that's an extra two hours spent cooling your heels in some distant holding apron whilst your plane waits for the next available slot.

Yes so I get there quicker but one hell of a lot more frazzled, being able to take three ounces of luggage and now I have to subject myself to the vagaries of public transport at the other end or hire a car to get to where I need to be because, surprise, surprise, that just happens not to be next door to Terminal 2D at Schiphol.

So with the boat I get to take my own car, as much luggage as I could ever need (and I'm taking sunday dinner to an ex-pat brit - try getting that through airport security), I get a free meal (proper one, not some reheated airline muck) and a comfy bed to sleep in where I awake refreshed with time for a cooked brekky (again included in the ticket price) and a couple of coffees before trundling off to where the black and white cows come from.

You know how much better a slow-roasted Sunday joint tastes than one you shoved in a hot oven and cooked really quickly?

Welcome to the slower, more leisurely and infinitely better way to travel.



(However that said I just found out I can get a 1.8Mb 3G signal here which makes me happy as not everything that's slower is good)