To the gurning copper at the Raoul Moat standoff

Hello, yes you, the gurning copper with the taser.



Look I know you get a bit upset with people taking pictures, especially pictures of coppers, but might I give you a spot of health and safety advice. If you are going to turn your head, grimace and berate a member of the public for having the temerity to photograph you in the course of your duties it would be a really good idea if YOU TOOK YOUR FUCKING FINGER OFF THE TRIGGER OF YOUR SODDING WEAPON!

Thanks for listening.

Grumpy.

PS: Apparently former footballer and celebrity wife-beater and pisshead Paul "Gazzer" Gascoigne turned up in Rothbury last night, pissed as a newt, wanting to take his old mate "Moatie" some chicken, a warm coat and a can a lager then sit down with him and do some fishing. A local radio station managed to get an interview with him which is hilarious... go have a listen: http://ht.ly/29y6m

Tai chi with weapons

In the great tradition of my last visit to HK I seem to be managing not to actually eat anything remotely Chinese.

Tonight I found there was an curry house called the "Koh I Noor" round the corner so popped in for some very lovely samosas and a passable chicken dopiaza (I keep forgetting that in Asia "chicken" means "scrawny bird that stopped laying so we threw it in a pot"). Afterwards I took a stroll through the park and came across six or seven people doing what could only be described as tai-chi exercises with swords, those flexible Chinese ones you saw in "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" with sensei occasionally stepping in and correcting a pose or movement. Can you imagine that in the UK, they would have been practising for 10 seconds before thirty armed plod would have shown up to arrest them for having offensive weapons.

Later on in the evening I spent an entertaining hour up in the open air rooftop bar where I'd gone to indulge in one of my duty free Montecristo No. 2's having a chat to a Korean chap called Roy about the UK premier league despite me knowing the square root of sod all about football. Mind you fully half of that was taken up with describing where Burnley was in relationship to Manchester, Leeds and Liverpool.

I have returned to my room to find...

... someone keeps moving my moss.