Enough with the world cup already

Look I know there's a footy match on round at Nelson Mandela's old gaff at the moment but does every single fucking product I use have to jump on the sodding bandwagon? I mean my cornflakes at breakfast have "A feast of football" splattered all over the packaging with some bollocks about winning a shin-pad if I send in three packet tops. If I want a few pringles to nibble on when flicking through the TV channels to find something not soccer related I now have to open a packet of "Pringoooooals" and there's world-cup themed sandwiches in the staff canteen.

Honestly I am expecting to sit down on the loo only to see Wayne Fucking Rooney's gurning fizzog leering at me as it's been printed on the bog roll.

And what's got everyone's knickers in a bunch? Well everyone who gives a shit about watching the spectacle of a bunch of overpaid tossers kicking a ball about anyway. That would be the "vuvuzela" which is the Xhosa word for "wank-trumpet" apparently. I can see how folk might be a tad irritated by said "instrument" as quite by accident I caught the last 10 minutes of Rooney and his friends being held to a one-all draw by a nation to whom footy ranks around the same level of interest as competitive scrabble or morris dancing. It took a minute to work out what was wrong with the sound as all I could hear was a swarm of angry bees doing a simultaneous B-flat fart, ah - that would be your knuckle-dragging football fan embracing the "cultural diversity of the Rainbow Nation" and honking his plastic wank-trumpet. I found I wanted to ram the bloody things flare end first up their collective arses within about 90 seconds so what the hell it must be like listening to it for 90 minutes I hate to think.

And can you imagine being in the stadium itself? I read the noise level of these things is 113dB which, to give you an idea, is the peak sound pressure of my 16" chainsaw when it's at full chat. I fully expect our wandering fans to come back from SA and walk straight into the nearest hospital to get treated for deafness.

Maybe they could pick up some retro-viral drugs to handle the HIV they picked up off the local good-time girls whilst "On tour".

The new prudery

Apparently one of the top 10 complained about advertisments was one for a fizzy french orange drink with 286 complaints. So what was so distressing about the frogs pimping sugary water that tastes like sick¹. People apparenty "complained about the overly sexual nature of the scene."

Yeah, ok. But the advert featured CARTOON ANIMALS for fucks sake.

Here it is, take a look...



Actually that antelope is pretty hot, nearly as good as the Cadbury Caramel bunny.

OK so rather amusing, couple of film references in there to American Beauty and that one with the woman doing the shower thing on stage and it's all a bit tongue in cheek and a bit of fun - mind you the squid thing is a bit creepy. So what is wrong with these 280 odd people that they could be so bothered by that that they got off their wobbly arses and took time to write a letter of complaint! Hell what you just saw was the unexpurgated French version so I bet the 30 second UK one was a hell of a lot tamer.

I'm seeing more and more of this. It's the new prudery and we need to fight back people. I say more furry boobs and sexually provocative jungle creatures straddling bottles and dancing to salsa tunes.


PS: Second zebra from the left... anyone have her phone number?

¹ Actually it doesn't, I rather like it