Up the garry...

Sod arresting him for being a nonce, he should be locked up and the key thrown away for inflicting that fucking idiotic beard on the world.



Stupid Cunt.

Pretty Prancing Ponies

Over here I see that the dressage events in the Olympics have not exactly been going down a bundle with the population of Honkers.

Many of the initial 10,400 spectators, more used to the excitement of weekly horse races at the same venue, fell asleep during the dressage events, sometimes referred to as 'horse ballet.'

One of them told the city's Sunday Morning Post newspaper she was 'deeply bored.' 'The horses just walked from one side of the arena to the other and then back again,' she said.

'I thought they were just going through the warm-up exercises but the commentators said the round was over ... I really don't think Hong Kong people will be interested in this.'

Obviously no-one had bothered to explain haute école dressage to the locals. We've also had some PETA numpty over on the Grauniad bleating on about how dressage is cruel (and dull) - no link as if I read the Grauniad I have to go and scrub mysef with carbolic to remove the taint and I can't be arsed right now.

I've seen this happen every time the Olympics roll around, let's have a go at the equestrian sports and usually the boot gets put in against the most impenetrable one which is invariably dressage. Usually the bleat is "well the olympics should be about what people can do, not horses" to which my response is "fine, then dump all the sailing events then", after all sailing is about the wind and your skill in manipulating it to make a boat do something, not that much different from manipulating a different motive power source to do something. Sure the argument would open the doors to, say, rally driving being in the Olympics and to be honest I've got no problem with that - be more interesting that watching a bunch of lycra clad twats going round a wooden circle. That and the fucking beach volleyball - I mean that's what you arse about doing for 20 minutes on holiday before going "fuck it's hot" and retiring to the poolside bar for a Heineken or six.

I have to 'fess up a bias here as when I used to ride competitively dressage was my main discipline and the one I enjoyed the most as (a) it was the one that got you and the horse really communicating, any fool can learn enough riding to get a horse over a jump - dressage you had to really work at understanding what the horse was "saying" and (b) you were a damned lot less likely to die and / or kill your horse than doing cross country

And the bloody beeb only showed the dressage section of the eventing anyway (which is a bit dressage 101) and not the Grand Prix section, or rather they did, online without any sound according to one of my horsey friends who managed to find it. And I'll lay money that we'll have wall to wall coverage of the synchronised drowning when that comes on. Well at least that's funny; the way they waddle to the pool looking like they've just shat themelves is fucking hilarious.

Anti Dhimmitude reqested

Now we all know that the government takes about as much notice of those online polls they host as they do for, well, any opinions expressed to them by the British public who by and large just want them to fuck off. However some fuckwad islamist has stuck a petition up to make Mohammed's (piss be upon him) birthday a UK national holiday.

Fortunately someone with an ounce of sense has launched a counter-petition which is here.

Of course the chances of a holiday on Big Mo's birthday happening are about the same as there being 72 virgins waiting to give me a blow job when I get to my office this morning but just to put the raghead's noses out of joint do go along and sign.

Could not have put it better myself

Well actually I probably could. This gem is from a comment in the Daily Hate on an article on the continuing internal squabbles of the Anglican church as it tears itself about over the amazing power of bottysex.

hi what would god think if someone wanted to marry there pet dog who they loved very much would the church change its views and except them

- richard shepherd, moonta south australia, 7/8/2008 7:53

Actually I think he's probably a bit too bright and articulate to be a Christian.

Incidentally I used to know one vicar who, whilst probably not up for conducting a marriage ceremony for you and Fido would be quite happy to give you a blessing.

In case you thought a Tory government would be better

No they won't...
"Lad mags" encourage irresponsible behaviour among young men and promote a negative image of women, a leading Conservative has said.

Yep, nothing to do with irresponsible behaviour having no consequences, it's all down to some tits and bums in "Zoo". Fuckwit.

And speaking of zoos I guess this means that a new tory government won't be re-legalising my horse porn collection any time soon.

Explosion in a springs factory

Oh what joy, the Olympic Games are upon us, a three week extravaganza of people running about very fast and jumping up and down broadcast live at three in the morning from some polluted hell-hole somewhere in China; a showcase of the best that Totalitarianism has to offer not seen since one Herr Hitler had a knees-up in Berlin in the 30's. I can hardly fucking wait.

Of course my compulsory TV tax will be being used to bring every grunt, groan and wobby-boob-in-the-beach-volleyball right into my living room whether I want it or not and just so we get the message that there might be some sport on in China this summer they have thoughtfully given us a trailer to let us know. And here it is...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mlGSwmHwrE&feature=related

... fucking hell it's Money, Pigsy, Sandy and that monk who I could never work out if it was male or female as done by that "Gorillaz" animator and set to a soundtrack of someone screetching in a language that sounds like an explosion in a factory that makes springs set to a backing track composed on a Casio VL-Tone

I really don't know where the beeb are coming from here, certainly it's quite an impressive work but the Monkey and his mates are drawn to look like the sort of hoodies who would work you over with a muck-rake as soon as look at you.

Bet that's a fun read

Seen today as I logged on to Blogger...




Like I'm going to click on that link on the 7:20 from Cambridge.

Bangles Vs. Unicorn Horns

Oh fuck here we go, some silly fucking cow with God on her fucking side has got a gin-sodden high court judge to pander to her family's "Waaahhh! You are insulting our religion" bullshit: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/7529694.stm

Given all the panic about knife crime right now I wonder if the other "K" which Sikhs are supposed to carry, the Kirpan or dagger, is going to be allowed and we can look forward to schools where all the kids in turbans are wandering around tooled up? Didn't think of that one did you you fucking cunttrumpets.

Look this is quite simple, school says "We are giving you a free education out of Little Dragon's taxes. This the the dresscode, like it or fuck right the hell off and pay for your own schooling." no arguments.

I suggest a fightback here folks. All parents should immediately take up the worship of her most Holy Pinkness, none other that the Invisible Pink Unicorn (PBUH). To show proper and devout devotion to Her Holy Horn your children should be equipped with a foot long spiral horn made from the finest Sheffield steel and sharpened to a point. If any one asks the spiral represents the wandering path we all take to Her Blessed Meadows and the point represents goring in the stomach of anyone who dares to insult our faith.

Your children must wear this at all times but especially during rugby practice. Anyone who argues against and we just point to this tuling and intone the Nu Labour prayer "Waaaaah! My Huuuman Riiiights".

Hiding the kids from evil peedofils

Your scaly green correspondent was out shopping last week for a new motor vehicle as the present tank is getting a bit tatty and long in the tooth so time to get something new with which to annoy the eco-weenies.

As is normal with my car purcasing forays I already know what model and spec I want before I go to the shop and invariably see something shinier and buy that and this trip was no exeception as I was after a Toyota Landcruiser LC4 and ended up with a four month old fully tricked out Invinvible (piccies to follow when I pick it up later in the week).

Anyway I tootled around in it, in lieu of off-roading I drove it over a couple of speed bumps and flapped my dragony wings in joy when, on parking it back at the dealership, found it had a camera in the back so you can park the fucking thing. I also noticed that all the rear windows were darkly tinted (which, to be honest, made it look a bit like a pimpmobile) but I didn't give it much thought. Anyway Mrs D and I were back at the dealers on Saturday to sign the papers and make it quite clear to him that I did not require the optional Wombat Protection Insurance or the additional Beluga Whale Towing option so please take those off the bill you commission junky. A little hiccup happened in that we realised that the MOT* had expired on the car I'm trading in so being as I'm about to spunk 30-odd thousand on the new thing they booked us in then and there and leant us a Verso for a couple of hours. Quite a nice medium sized family runabout with a start button which was cool and a dashboard that looked link Bang and Olufsen has designed it. But yet again it had those tinted rear windows.

It was only that evening over dinner Mrs Dracunculus says "you know what, those tinted windows they're doing now are really sad."

"How come?" says I.

"Well you notice the two cars we'v ebeen driving have lots of seats for sproglets in the back? Well the tinted glass is there to stop evil nasty peedofils looking at your kids on the school run."

Bloody hell she's right. This is EXACTLY what its for and there is obviously the demand for it - I also notice that its only fitted to the more expensive models for each marque so it's also a subtle marketing ploy of "if you want to protect your kids then you should really by the LX instead of the L model". The sales guy obviously never brought the glass issue to our attention as we quite clearly did not have little hatchlings in tow.

Now how utterly fucked in the head to you have to be to think that peedofils are waiting to look at your kids through your car window, not only that but it is such a threat you need to have smoked glass in the back of your motor!

On the other hand top marks to Toyota for spotting that gap in the market.




* roadworthyness document for my non UK reader.

Wishes sometimes come true

From a blog post made last May on the subject of a certain Mr Murat, resident of a certain town in Portugal:

I really, really hope that he is as innocent as a day-old lamb and that he sues Ms Campbell and her tawdry hack rag every which way to Christmas and back.

From today's BBC news website:

Expat Robert Murat has settled a claim for damages over allegations in 11 UK newspapers that he was involved in the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.

Happy Dragon!